A weighty issue

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. Willpower, willpower, where for art thou willpower?

I appear to have regained some weight, this isn't good, this isn't good at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm still 3st 2lbs lighter them my heaviest none pregnant weight but alas I'm now 2 stones heavier then my goal weight. Arse.

I just can't stop eating. Again. Not to mention the baking, there is something about Autumn and winter that calls for copious amounts of stodge and baking. In the last month alone I've made two meat pies, two lots of jam tarts. A Manchester tart, ginger bat biscuits, toffee tart, apple crumble, biscuits, fairy buns, ice cream, marble cake, fudge cake......

Then due to various illness', injuries and bloody awful weather I've gone from walking about 15miles a week down to about four, If that.

I just can't seem to kick myself into gear.

When I was obese, I just accepted it, hated it yet accepted it so I didn't really notice any fluctuations, I was just obese. Now however, there extra nine pounds feel like nine stone. I'm uncomfortable and somewhat disgusted.

Then I go and eat some more crap.

This isn't who I want to be.

Needless to say despite my body being rather full my mind is awfully vacant and a little numb. Neither helps the other. I was so close to finding her again and now she's gone again.

I'm so weary from mourning the self that I lost. She's been so silent all these years.