15 baby and parenting 'firsts' the books never tell you about

The Reality of parenthood firsts....

Babies have many firsts that you want to experience and record from their first smile, first tooth, rolling, sitting up, first word, cruising to walking etc.  Yet, what about the firsts the books don't tell you about, the real unglamourous baby firsts?





1. Babies first poonami
2. First time baby vomits (usually on your shoulder or down your cleavage)
3. First poo in the bath
4. First time baby pisses on you
5. First time whilst doing finger roulette to lazily see if there's poo in the nappy and you lose.  We call this one poo-finger.
6. First time baby tries to scalp you with their yanking bare fists
7.  The first time baby nuts you and then starts to howl so you have to be nice to them  even though they hurt you.
8. The first time you answer the door and only realise afterwards you haven't fully put that boob away after that last feed.
9. The first time they put something in their mouth when you're not looking.  You have no idea what it is. They won't open their mouth. Moldy cheerio? Cat food? Baby kryptonite?
10.  The first time you have to rugby tackle them into a wrestling hold as you attempt to administer medicine against their will.
11. The first time they cry and nothing you do stops it so you just hold them and cry with them.
12.  The first time you go out and realise your boobs have leaked, visibly.
13. The first time you realise you just spoke to a grown up in your talking to the baby voice.
14. The first time you realise you're stood rocking/swaying despite the fact you have no baby in your arms.
15. The first time you spend several hours trying to get baby to sleep then they fill their nappy....