How is it that out of all the promises we make it is the ones we make to ourselves that are the hardest to keep and the easiest to break?

Are we who and what we are because of the promises we can't keep or in spite of them?

Is there a point where the search to fill the holes within ourself only results in creating more of them?

Maybe some people are meant to be broken, just like promises.

#017

& why is it that those that love so widely and so wholly are the hardest to be loved and likewise those that gift their faith in something or someone so completely and fearlessly find it explicitly hard to have faith in themselves or indeed to accept that others may in fact hold that faith in them, for them?

Do we love more to make up for our incapacity to allow ourselves to be loved?

#016

Why is it that every time we fall in love we fall apart? What if every time we fall apart, we lose another piece of ourselves? is there a requisite amount of time we're allotted to fall apart until there's not enough parts to put ourselves back together again? When we fall in love, do we swap pieces with the other or does the other simply take pieces of us and never really gives them back again?

Are the holes in our souls only ever the significant shape of someone else that we need to find in order to fill them? What if we try too hard to fill the hole with the wrong people, does it distort the hole and it's size and shape so that we're less likely to notice when the perfect fit comes along a they may fall straight through?

& what if there is no perfect fit?

#015

Hope
v. hoped, hop·ing, hopes
v.intr.
1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.
2. Archaic To have confidence; trust.
v.tr.
1. To look forward to with confidence or expectation
2. To expect and desire. See Synonyms at expect.
n.


& where do we go when hope is gone? is it possible to be in all sense of the word, hopeless? How do we rekindle hope, how does one believe in something, in anything, when they cannot even believe in themself?

#014

Why do we get married? is it really to celebrate the meeting of two destined souls? the completion of your soul jigsaw and the ying to your yang? Or is it just the next socially expected step in a relationship? Maybe it's just an excuse for a big party and a hoard of gifts?

Does a piece of paper really affirm a commitment more then a private 'I love you' and 'I want to be with you' ?

Do we marry to consecrate our commitment or is it really a tactic to get our SO to prove their commitment to us?

Do we wait a lifetime waiting for someone to make that commitment to us that finding someone who'll love us enough to marry us becomes more important then how much we actually love them? is the desire to be wanted that much and needed that much used to validate our existence?

Do we judge our personal success through managing to be smugly married? Is there something so wrong with not being married? Is there an innate fear of being single and unmarriable?

Have you ever asked yourself was it the wedding you wanted or was it the actual man as an individual? Did you want to be married and the love came secondary? Was it the man that made us want marriage or do we base our choice of man on the probability of them wanting to marry us.

What happens when you're married and you love, but you're not in love?

Is love enough? Will it see us through forever? Or will it forever make our hearts feel short changed and guiltily compromised? Can a person live happily being loved without being 'in love' right back?

Is marriage really the answer to the insecure and need our own family sisterhood out there?

#013

de·voted (-id)
adjective
dedicated; consecrated
very loving, loyal, or faithful
Obsolete doomed


What is devoted and in turn true devotion? Is the woman who stays with an abusive partner a devoted wife? is she devoted because she fears or does she fear because she's devoted?

Is the old dog who faithfully follows his old master's side from dusk till dawn devoted because he loves or devoted because he's trained?

Is a superstars biggest fan devoted or just misplacing an excess of unfulfilled emotion in an exercise of displacement?

Does devotion ever have a happy ending or is it just the inbetween of love and hate? Can devotion turn to macabre obsession or is it just a notion, a token like wedding cake that celebrates lots of sex, but ends with no sex from that point on?

#012

What is true forgiveness? Do we ever truly forgive or do we just neuter the hurt and aggression into a passive feeling then bury it under the patio along with the proverbial ex's?

Sorry is one of those words, a bit like love and hate that is easy to say, too easy in fact. It's a near verbal reflex at times it's looser then your ex best friend and about as useful as your great aunt's fix-all 'why don't we have a cup of tea and sit down'.

Like any statement it's empty unless the speaker imbues it with meaning.

Sure we may accept the rudimentary sorry's for being knocked, pushed and accidentally tripped over in our day to day lives but what about the things that matter. What is harder, to Say sorry and mean it or to accept it being said to you and meaning it when you say you forgive?

Do we mistake forgiveness for mere acceptance of being wronged?

Do we store up all the sorry's we've been given along with the firgiveness we've doled out so that we can use them as ammunition for the next world war in relatinships? We all do it, we argue with our Dh's (how apt that it could as easily be darling husband as it could be dick head, one and the same perhaps?) we aim precision missiles of their wrongdoings of the past right where it hurts, bam, bam, bam. Just like that. Does true forgiveness mean never using it against them? To truly forgive do we have to actually forget, or is pretending we've forgoton enough?

#011

If you could only have honesty or trust in your relationship which would you choose? Do you trust your partner enough to not have to be honest all the time? Or do you need their honesty because you can't trust them?

Does there really exist different types of lies from those that would cause more hurt then harm to tell , that would implode life as we know it? What about those little discrepancies that are meaningless, lack lustre and have little to no bearing on our hearts and minds? Should we still confess these even though the actual momentary lie itself would take infinitely longer to confess?

Is confession really the right thing? Do we confess to purely to alleviate our own inescapable and all consuming guilt to transfer and transcribe the emotions from our self to another ? If our confessions would only cause emotional or mental deterioration to our relationship, is it in fact crueler to bare all? What's done is done and is it not excruciatingly vile to pain someone we love over something that happened that they cannot change?

Where do we draw the line? If we bare all are we on a higher plane of relationship enlightenment so we can trophy ourselves among the smug 'oh we have no secrets do we darling? we tell each other everything' brigade?

What if honest isn't the best policy? & yet what if we cannot trust without honesty?

How do we determine whether honesty will build or break the trust? Is it possible to have varying degrees of honesty and how to we attribute to what level of honesty we go to within a given situation?

Is it worse to not trust your partner or to not trust yourself? Do you trust yourself to know what the right thing is?

If we have a policy to 100% honesty would it ever prevent us from doing something which we'd later need to lie about?

Do you trust your partner enough to accept they will lie and to not question this?

#010

When we were young we had such wonderfully pure and simplistic dreams and aspirations, as we grow older we trim these down to an achievable size and yet at some point, do we really run out of dreams? If someone was to ask me about my hopes and dreams and aspiration, I'd draw a blank. At what point do we stop believing in ourselves and and which point do we stop believing in life, do the two coincide?

"& when you stop dreaming it's time to die"

Do we ever actually stop believing, dreaming and hoping? Or do we just get better at repressing them? If we don't hope for something then it can't kill us when it never happens, right?

Are you a closet dreamer too? Or are we just another jilted dream generation?

What do you do when every day is a compromise?

#009

Is happiness something we create, something we find or is it simply just something that 'is' ? If we dismantle it's origins do we dissect the very bones from which is rose from? Does it help to find happiness if you are perpetually happy and in turn are the eternal pessimists immune from ever finding it?

"Cheer up!" how does one exactly does one go about cheering up? Is it really as simple as deciding to be happy? Is the key to happiness really as simplistic as simply choosing to be happy? In that vain would it also go to Say that those that are sad are choosing to be sad?

& I have to wonder is happiness really such a fickle fellow that it can dart and weave in and out of our lives with equally devastating and unspecific prowess? is it a case of if you look for it hard enough you can catch it and pin it to your heart or are we really to play dumb and pretend we're not indeed looking for it with the hope it will whack us round the side of the head when we least expect it to?

Of course, there's always the question posed of should we actually find happiness what on earth do we do with it? Will feeding and clothing it really bond it to us longer or like your stereotypical ex will it make you smile then kick your life in teeth leaving your life with a slam of the door and dirty size 9 footprints on your new carpet?

#008

I forget to brush my hair, I walk into a room and forget what I was actually going into the room for and I can even go to a shop three times and still get everything except what I needed yet how come we, as woman, can recall and catalogue just about every fuckup our significant (or not so significant at times) others have committed? With the lightning quick ability to load our proverbial gun with these bullets of wrong doings from the past, do our men ever really stand a chance? Especially when they forget our birthday, our anniversary and of course the time they were supposed to come home at.

#007

What is it that actually makes us fall in love? Is it really as magical as interplanetary alignment and a caress from fate herself? Or is it simply a case of the actual person we fall for? Have you ever wondered if it's not actually about the person at all, it's about your own state of mind, maybe it's about being ready for being in love and wanting to be in love so that the next person that doesn't make our knickers curl up and die in disgust we project this upon and they in turn become love? Is love a state of mind, a heart condition or actually just a decision?

&why is it that everytime we fall in love we end up falling apart?

#006

Through trying to prove that we're more then 'Just A Mum' are we irreversibly eradicating the essential maternal instinct and the irreplaceable role of 'Mum'? Are we trying so hard to be more then a mum that we're actually becoming lesser mums?

How is it that it is now fashionable for childless woman to be responsible for the children whilst economically privileged mothers try and re-enact their position in society sans children? It would appear that parenting has become a trophy or a badge that once earned requires minimal upkeep where the hard work can be conveniently passed onto the 'hired help' and the progress and development can be gloated about with gluttonous confidence and over glamorised (& embellished) involvement over childless soirees and quaint suppers. A hello in morning and a hello before bed if they're lucky whilst the 'nanny' does the mothering elbow deep in nappies.

Career, check. Wedding, check. House and cars, check. Natural progression obviously is babies.

Is the growing trend of full time with overtime working mothers destroying the structure and importance of family as we know it? Could it be attributing to the decline in behaviour and the increase in emotional retentiveness in youths?

Or are we just taking another ride on the big old wheel of social fashion, will in time being a parent that practises parenting be the new black?

#005

Is it that woman are now fixated upon being too emotionally independant? Through removing ourselves from the stereotypical arena of emotional sluttishness have we now become emotionally frigid to the opposite sex? Through trying to eliminate our rabid co-dependancy are we now making ourselves too independant and effectively unavailable? have we basically made ourselves inapproachable by men and made men appear indispensible?

Are we now the female chauvanistic generation?

#004

Did minimalism ever go out of fashion or do we just apply it to our lives in time of crisis forever in hope of the start of our personal Springtime? In stripping our lifes and hearts of our proverbial clutter do we hope to find our true self or does that end up in the trash with everything else? Are we the sum of our clutter or the bones of our disenchanted minimalism?

Is life & love a perpetual state of hoarding clutter and stripping back to the skeleton? Do we ever find an inbetween?

How many times do we resolve to find a new 'me' and with that me a whole new 'you'. You can paint the walls back to white but the chipped plaster will always be underneath.

We empty closets of old skeletons and unworn dresses only to re-fill them with new.

#003

& I don't know what's worse, wanting the fairytale or realising that it simply doesn't exist. So a lifelong of fairytale is yesterdays chip paper and you have to ask, is just 'okay' a worthwhile swap for your happy ever after or would you swap your okay to search for a happy ever after that may never be found?

Are you happy with how your life turned out?

#002

How do we stop this perpetual state of searching? Do we search so long and too hard that we inevitably miss that which we were serching for? Is it fair to look for verification of our existance and emotional validity in others?

#001

How is it that out of all the promises we make it is the ones we make to ourselves that are the hardest to keep and the easiest to break?

Are we who and what we are because of the promises we can't keep or inspite of them?

Is there a point where the search to fill the holes within ourself only results in creating more of them?

Maybe some people are just meant to be broken, just like promises.