Although I fully appreciate the poetic license of reality that childrens TV programmes possess and the key they provide to help unlock new imagination doors, as a sleep deprived  responsible parent it doesn't change the fact that I've been watching them since 7am I need Gin  I need a life they're setting our younglings up with unrealistic expectations for life.  Is this fair?  is this moral?

All accused to the dock please.



The Court of Mum Versus Fireman Sam:

Case Against:  Fireman Sam will lead your children to believe that they can joyride a fire engine having nicked it straight from the fire station and not be turned over to the Police or youth detention.  Rather he'll let you go free to commit multiple random acts of arson and mayhem.

Verdict: I hereby find Fireman Sam guilty of bullshit.

The Court of Mum Versus Postman Pat

Case Against:  Postman Pat will have you believe that Royal Mail workers will consistently go out of their way to get your mail safely to you.  Never do you see Pat realistically leaving a 'while you were out' card without knocking and whilst not actually having bothered to bring your parcel at all.

Verdict: Guilty

The Court of Mum Versus The Bubble Guppies:

Case Against: These little weirdos would have our young impressionable children believe that you can live under water whilst retaining perfectly styled hair.

Verdict: Guilty.

The Court of Mum Versus Max & Ruby

Case Against:  This show propagates the ideology that it's perfectly okay to leave a young child in sole charge of an even younger child, home alone.  Also it leads them to believe that they can be irritating little shits with zero parental rebuking.

Verdict: Guilty

The Court of Mum Versus Dora & Diego

Case Against: Not once are we lead to believe that their adventures are imagined, rather they encourage young children to go out alone looking for talking animals in dangerous terrains and then celebrate every time they do it.  Irresponsible M'Lady!

Verdict: Guilty

The Court of Mum Versus Bob The Builder

Case Against: This show instills the unrealistic expectation within our Spawn that Builders a) Turn up b) get the job done c) don't have a million excuses and even more tea breaks.

Verdict: Guilty

Todays court will now adjourn for Gin Valium Lunch.   All rise.

Kids TV

You know you are subjected to far too much children's television when you find yourself genuinely mulling over the following observations, or maybe I just need a life? Below are just a small fraction of what I ponder...

* The council tax and home insurance must be extortionately high in Pontypandy.

* Why hasn't Norman Price been sent to a juvenile detention centre or been slapped with an ASBO?

* What happened to Mr Price?

* Does Fireman Sam sleep in his uniform?

* Is Fireman Sam a virgin?

* Where are Max & Ruby's parents?  It's utterly irresponsible to let young Ruby look after Max, she's only about 6.

* Why is Dora allowed out on her own?

* If anyone could potentially use the Omnitrix and Ben 10 just happened to find it, why has nobody drugged him and stolen it or chopped his arm off and stolen it?

* Has Diego had a Rabies jab?

* Shouldn't Postman Pat have retired by now?  How come he never ages?

* What drugs were the creators of Booh Bahs on and can I have some?

*  Why are the Wottingers so misanthropic?  Have the Pontipines butchered them in their sleep?  Are they a cult?

*  What do Phineas and Ferb feed Perry?

* Why doesn't The Bubble Guppies hair move and swirl under water?

* How have Carrie and Dave not been kidnapped and held somewhere far far far away from our televisions?