Who stole all the conkers? I have mental imagery of ninja squirrels in the midst of the night on a secret tactical mission to relieve the country of all conkers.  Seriously, this time last year The Spawn had bags overflowing with shiny conker goodness and yet this year, none. Zip. Zilch. Nada.  How grossly unfair. You can't have Autumn without them.  They're mandatory and iconic of the season. As you can probably tell I'm terribly indignant over the utter injustice of this.

I blame aerosols and polar bears....or something.

Oh and the summer of rain. It's still raining. I fear it may never end and we'll have to rename the UK to Atlantis. So much rain yet not enough to wash away the gray. I find myself looking to the ground when walking just to feed the hunger for colour my eyes literally licking the colour from the fallen leaves which incidentally you're never to old to kick. Fact.

Yet It's frightfully easy to jest about the rather unfortunate weather and forget that many of us are indeed somewhat lucky insofar as to say we may be a victim of It's enslaught yet to many It's an indecent attack of epic proportions. We're almost immune to the seemingly yearly pictures of flooding with rescue boats down streets and the utter devastation the floods leave in their wake to homes I can only imagine how vile it must feel,  akin to the violation of a break in. Then there's the small businesses who I feel for.  People often focus on the glamour whoring jobs in the life yet none of those help in these instances, the real hero's are the rescue services and in the aftermath flood restoration companies such as UK Commercial Cleaning and pest control who work hard to put things right again, clearing up the debris of natures parties.

I wonder if they could find me the conkers?

I used to have pet conkers at college. Four to be exact. They were darling little things with their names tattooed upon them with trusty tip-ex, 'William', 'The', 'conker' and 'er'.

I think the weather is broken. We need a sky plumber and sky painter.

Still, each time the rain pauses for breath and the Sun moons us we at least get to drink in the beautiful sight of the rainbows.....

Sod the gold though, I'll be chasing rainbows for a pot of conkers.

Bring back the snow

I despise the heat, there, I've said it.  I don't mind bright weather, it's just the godawful heat that is accompanying it lately.  The heat that makes every man under 40 deem it necessary to forgo wearing a t-shirt, makes people crack open cans of Stella in the morning and makes people play obnoxiously vile music at an uncouth and downright antisocial level with no care for the suffering it inflicts upon others (who have better music taste). I am repulsed by the prickly feeling of sun on my milk bottle pale flesh, the constant feeling of stickiness and never quite feeling clean, the heat induced headaches and tantrums.  It's simply vile. 

Not to mention my totally unfortunate wardrobe which isn't at all equipped for this weather consisting of three pairs of jeans and there winter skirts.  I have neither the money nor the figure for summer clothes and have yet to find any shorts that will not make me look like an obese skanky slapper or a frumpy old woman.  Most skirts are too short as I'm nearly 5ft 8" and have an inability to bend at the knees.  Oh and clothes have to be breastfeeding friendly.

The garden has not an iota of shade and is like a furnace, it gets the brunt of all kinds of weather.  So it's lovely and bright yet impossible to take The toddler out to enjoy it as he'd burn to a crisp in minutes and possibly get sun stroke.  Not to mention I abhor being out there when it's hot.

Anything over 19c is intolerable.  I like weather where you only need a hoody or better still just a top.   Bright is fine, a breeze is fabulous. 

Bring back the snow.

Bring back the snow.