The problem with breastfeeding is, you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.  Formula feeders are forever lamenting that they're judged negatively and unfairly, yet I've been a formula feeder and other than online, I never once felt judged in real life, rather I was conforming to what was for all intent purposes the societal 'norm'.  I never felt victimised or scrutinized whilst formula feeding.  I never had to justify my reasoning for formula feeding be it for how long or where.

If you're a breastfeeder people either disagree with it (how can you 'disagree' with feeding your baby the most biologically appropriate food?) or else feel fit to regale you with tales of how and why they don't breastfeed.

Breastfeeding is hard.  It's hard physically at first as well as emotionally and mentally.  It's a work in progress.  A learning curve.  It may be natural and instinctive, yet that doesn't mean it doesn't take an incredible amount of effort, perseverance and dedication  with many practical, societal and cultural obstacles along the way.

If a woman breastfeeds in public, she isn't making a political statement.  She isn't attention seeking.  She isn't trying to make those who don't breastfeed feel bad or guilty.  She is merely feeding her hungry child.  Yes, it's that simple.   It genuinely isn't about you.  It's about her baby.

You've just given birth, you've been asked throughout your pregnancy if you'll breastfeed.  You're coerced into doing it in hospital.  Yet, if you do, do it, if you keep doing it it's then a completely different ball game.  No longer are people obsessed with if you will breastfeed, they're now obsessed with when you'll stop.  you really can't win.

If a breastfeeder is proud of breastfeeding, this doesn't make her smug.  Why shouldn't she be proud?  it's an achievement.

So next time you think of a breastfeeder as being 'one of those smug breastfeeding types' remember, that statement says far more about you than it ever will about her.

Milk Monster

The week isn't by any means over yet and so far it started with The Dog eating Thing Two's sausage roll that was lunch-box bound before school resulting in an impromptu trek to the super market and then to school to drop of a replacement lunch and last night I had to call out a paramedic for The Husband who was having an asthma attack.  In between all that we've got Thing One who's practicing being a vile teenager five years early with utter insolence and sheer obtuseness and The Toddler who has apparently banned all forms of sleep for himself and thus me.  Not to forget The Husband having to rush to school, following a drama-whorish call saying Thing Two was frightfully distressed and in considerable pain due to a toe nail apparently hanging off and could he possibly go there with some nail scissors to 'see what you can do'.  He was in a terrifically bad mood due to suffering from a migraine and had been somewhat of a total twunt so needless to say he was rather bemused to find Thing Two happily sat in her classroom, barefoot, having her lunch with her teacher.  One corner of a toe nail had been digging in to her toe. That was all.  I would have gone myself but I had the time critical task of supervising brownies baking in the oven. Shame.

The Toddler has near completed his training as The Sanity Assassin and having rather cleverly lulled me into a false sense of security at night deciding to do the absolutely unheard of and sleep for 5 hours straight only to then spend the past 5-7 days waking every 60-120 minutes and feeding fervently like a newborn, yes, at 31.5 months of age.  I'm so abysmally tired that my eyes feel like spinning metal balls in their sockets and my limbs feel like concrete blocks of pain.  Add this to the creeping onslaught of yet another M.E trough coupled with an accelerated dip in mood i'm rather more bits then pieces.

There is 'well you could night wean him' road to wander down yet unfortunately he is simply not ready.  You just 'know' when they are and it's untraumatic and surprisingly easy (see also potty training etc etc).  I actually have no qualms with a waking or two during the night and a quick boobie snack with added snuggles, however I do become considerably grumpsome when it becomes every 60-120 minutes, as you would.  We've tried the counting up to ten method which is what worked when Thing Two was a toddler and indeed The Toddler is on occasion been known to be somewhat amenable to this idea, which is nice.  It also proves our suspicions that he indeed absolutely understands the proposal.  However, more oft then not lately he'll simply shake his head and mumble around a mouthful of boob 'no'.  If I try and subtly remove said boob then well...all hell breaks loose.  Arse.

There is a possibility that he's still teething, again.  For now i'll go with that idea with it being terrifically more endearing then the alternative 'he hates me'

So for now he shall remain, the boob junkie boobie monster.

It has taken me several days to write this.  The Husband is now en route to Austria and i'm home, alone, avec The Spawn, and I have no chocolate.  This could get messy.  Thankfully The Grandparents are coming to my rescue and having Things One & Two for the night.  They're all currently in the bathroom (The Spawn, not The GrandParents) as The Toddler fights them for the bog.  I'm best off not knowing really.  I'm pretending to ignore the arguments and the 'MuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuM!!!!!!' calls.  Is it vodka o clock yet?  Oh Bollocks. I'm practicing neglect by hiding behind the laptop.  Tomorrow i'll be all smiles and weave lentils with them.  Honest.

Nipple Rot

For those that follow me on Twitter, you may recall me asking you today what items you bought for your baby that are absolute must haves and worth their weight in parenting gold to you and likewise which items did you buy that turned out to be completely useless to you.  After having three children, my list is fairly epic on this topic and perhaps when The Toddler decides to give me more then a minutes piece without throwing his drawing board at me or begging for another feed I'll enlighten bore you with my ramblings.

For now though I'll just write about one that is always on my must have list to anyone who plans to Breast Feed, seeing as you've probably figured out by now that it is a topic I feel somewhat passionate about (Thing One was bottle fed, Thing Two and The Toddler breastfed).

Lansinoh Nipple cream.  When I had my second child, I was determined that this time I was going to breastfeed, even if it was only for a few weeks (turned out I breastfed her until she was two years and nine months!) I went in prepared this time with some nipple cream in my hospital bag.  I was quite bamboozled by the choice and despite several people recommending Lansinoh to me, ever trying to cut costs and corners I opted for a cheaper brand, the name evades me it was after all nearly 6 years ago but I think it may have been Magic Cream by Avent?

Nothing and nobody can fully prepare you for the pain in the first few weeks of breastfeeding, even if you're lucky enough like me to not suffer any latch issues, blocked ducts or mastitis it still bloody hurts.  It's a learning curve for Mum and for Baby and for your nipples too.  Unless you're fantastically kinky on a regular basis, most woman's nipples simply aren't used to being in constant use or 'abuse' as it feels like in the first few weeks.  It's no surprise so many people quit breastfeeding before the six weeks.  It can be quite literally tear inducing and toe curling with blisters and bleeding making you feel like you have nipple rot or something equally zombie-esque.

Here's the thing though, first you can help the pain and secondly it really genuinely 100% doesn't last.  So long as you rule out any latch issues etc, after the first 6 weeks, if you're doing it right it shouldn't hurt hence why a fair few people like myself continue into toddlerhood)

Anyway,  I slathered on this magic cream and waited for the'magic' to happen and rescue me from nipple hell, so imagine my panic when nothing happened.  Zip. Nada. I think I may have cried.  It was only day two, all my good intentions went out the window and I distinctly remember saying to the midwife whilst in hospital that I think I wanted to bottle feed.

Kudos to the Midwife, when I turned to bottle feeding Thing One on day two I was met with guilt trips, lectures and the like, yet with Thing Two the Midwife simply remarked that was fine, it's my baby and my body but could I perhaps just tell her 'why' I wanted to switch and remarked that if i 'want' to breastfeed, generally most breastfeeding problems can be overcome. I bemoaned about the pain etc amongst other issues (None of my babies appear to want to feed much on their first day or two skin side, I think it's perhaps connected to Diamorphine in labour, if only I'd known this with Thing One, I may have persevered) I showed her the cream I was using religiously to no effect and she disappeared and returned with several purple sample sizes sachets of Lansinoh.  To say I was sceptical would be an understatement.  Yet, I tried it and seriously, it may not say 'magic' in the name but it is in it's effect.  I can genuinely say this stuff was one of the major contributing factors to me successfully breastfeeding and I have little doubt that without it, I would have switched to bottles that day which would have been a shame because as the Midwife said, if you want to breastfeed nearly all issues can be fixed.  I used it after and sometimes even before every feed for the first few weeks and it became bearable and within weeks I didn't need it anymore.

When I became pregnant with The Toddler it was one of the first things on my elusive 'hospital bag' checklist.

The 'Only' issue is that it is quite expensive and I didn't even need a 5th of the contents in the tube, I just wish they did smaller tubes!  It was initially the price that put me off buying it and I do wonder how many others were put off too.

If you have loads left over like me it does have many other uses including the fact you can lanolise shorties/longies with it (if you use wool covers over cloth nappies)

Or you could just be super cheeky and ask your Midwife is she has any samples to give out ;)

I have no doubt I'll return to the topic of all the stuff I've bought over the years for my babies and what I'd buy again and the things that in my experience were a total waste of money (bottle warmer anyone?! that's a whole other post though)

So if you didn't answer my question on Twitter why not do so now....

Granted there's more to successful breastfeeding then cream alone, the most powerful ammunition to attack the early days with is simply knowledge.  Arm yourself throughout pregnancy with knowledge and what to expect.  Anyone who tells you it was easy from day one is either incredibly lucky (jealous? me?) or else have a selected memory, which is easily done because like I said it improves 100% after the first few weeks.  It's now feeding time at the zoo, but i'll return to this post with some, in my opinion, invaluable links for tips, tricks, problems and generally what to expect when breastfeeding.  If breastfeeding is your goal, stick at it....I never believed people when they told me it would be relatively easy after the first 6 weeks and yet they were so right.   It's not for everyone but for a lazy parent like me, breastfeeding is one of the best tools ever which is probably why I can't be bothered to wean The Toddler yet.