Dear Government, Selfservatives, Wilshaw et al,

Recently the media has seen an influx or reports saying that parents are failing, nurseries are failing and child minders are failing our children.

You're telling us that our children aren't prepared for school by age 5.

Your solution to this?  Start them earlier so that they'll be better prepared. This is against over 200 experts in early years telling you this will have catastrophic and detrimental effects on our childrens long term development.  Your 'solution' also directly goes against recent reports suggesting that 4 in 10 under threes are missing out on bonding with their parents.

Is it any wonder?

With so many parents worrying about how to heat their house, put food in bellies and keep their homes as they face increasing conditionality and harsh sanctions in their money.  Families are dissolving under the stress of ridiculous and draconion welfare reforms and the vast pool of unemployment that you're only increasing through forcing more people into it including the sick.  The lucky ones who manage to find a job discover that despite working full time they still can't support their families financially and are still under the ruthless and barmy conditionality to have access to the much needed inwork benefits because despite rising living costs you still refuse to introduce a living wage to allow people to live independently of you.  Can't have that can we?  You'd lose some of this iron tight control you've got over us.  You want us dependent on you.  You're literally banking on us all being in your in-work benefit trap.

You're closing surestart centres.

You've taken the bookstart scheme away.

For families that want/need health visitors, there simply aren't enough of them to adequately support families.

You're constantly undermining parents and destroying families.  You ruthlessly dismantle our basic human rights to family life.  You completely dismiss the important roll of parents and the positive impact a sahp can have, if the parent chooses to be one.

You introduce earlier free childcare to the exact places you're stating are 'failing' our children, encouraging them to be apart from parents, the exact people they're supposed to be bonding with and then in the next breath announce that lone parents are going to face increased conditionality and forced into work related activity as their youngest child reaches three whilst they utilise the (apparently 'optional') free 15 hours early years preschool placements.

Not once have you addressed the glaringly obvious, that maybe so many children aren't ready at 5 because 5 is too early to start formal education.  Let our children be children.  They have a fundamental human right to childhood.  Plenty of countries such as Sweden and Finland start formal education far later then we do yet equally and indeed outperform our children throughout their school life excelling in education and life in general.

We are nurturing humans not building robots.  We're teaching them all that you lack, compassion, tolerance acceptance.  These are people.  They're precious.  These are the poor little sods that will one day have the immense and epic job of trying to piece back together the country you're destroying.  To undo the hatred and prejudice you're inciting.  These aren't your weapons nor your little employable soldiers, these are the only chance of a saviour you have.

What are you teaching them?

You're teaching them to be classist as you make ill informed sweeping judgments damning lower and working class parents as failing and make patronising statements declaring they need checklists.

Guess what?  Bad parenting knows no class.

Generally speaking, if a child isn't toilet trained or speaking in sentences by age five it is not from lack of parenting yet more often then not developmental.  It is condescending, insulting and down right moronic to cast assertions that it's down to bad financially disadvantaged parenting.  Maybe if referrals were easier to come by and waiting lists shorter these children could get assistance sooner.

Support don't hate.

Have you left your child in a pub lately?

I'm one of those parents.  You know the ones you're damning and judging.  We're financially disadvantaged. We're poor.  We're lower class.  Oh no, naughty, scummy, bad bad us.

We're so bad at parenting because we're not middle class that we have three articulate, creative, intelligent and happy children two of which are incredibly academically advanced.  Oh no.  Slap our wrists.  We're not fitting into your crass paradigms. Quick! Sanction us!

You're teaching them to vilify those who's only crime is being poor and trapped within the failing economy that you created, when the real villains are in your own quarters, yes people like Maria Miller.

You've broken our economy, our sick, our poor, our NHS and now you're trying to break our children.

You want my child in your clutches earlier?  Come and get them.  I double-fucking-dare you. You'll meet an army of me.  You will not get your grubby destructive paws on my children.  That I promise you.

It's not the parents that are failing our children, it's you.

Leave our kids alone.

Sincerely,

Mama Undone.

The preschooler who's not at preschool (yet)

Other than mistaking him for a girl the other major assumption Joe Public make about The Toddler is that he should be in Nursery.  Why? Simply because he's three and a half.  Just because he's now eligible for a free place, people assume he should therefore be using it.

I've never attended a mother and baby group in my entire life.  Thing One was due to start reception, full time, two weeks following his fourth birthday so we sent him to nursery for at first two mornings and later an afternoon from the February to July merely to prepare him for the setting and routine.  He's an incredibly open, friendly, confident and academically advanced child.  

I clearly remember when The Health Visitor came to do routene check on Thing Two when she was a toddler and upon asking me which nursery she attended to which I responded none, she embarked upon a pro-nursery speech.  By the time she left, she admitted that having now met us and spent time with Thing Two she could understand absolutely why we didn't feel it necessary to send her and that she was absolutely flourishing at home.  We did send her, eventually, however Thing Two has the opposite problem to Thing One.  Thing one started full time reception class in infants a mere two weeks after his fourth birthday yet Thing Two started reception a day or two before her fifth birthday.  There is a lot of difference between a four year old and a five year old physically, mentally, emotionally and socially.  She started Nursery after her fourth birthday in a similar pattern to Thing One yet within a few months she requested to go five sessions a week.  Thing two has always been frightfully articulate and despite being somewhat reserved she is incredibly popular (she must have been adopted!) with teachers and children and consistently achieves several years ahead academically.

Both of them are confident, friendly, honest, genuine, caring, articulate and have excellent manners and yet I was viewed as being in the wrong for not sending them to nursery the instant they turned three.  Apparently it would hold them back or do them some kind of harm or maybe make them weird or something. Oh, did I also mention that they both love school too?

There's a huge belief that toddlers need to be socialised.  What young children need is someone to hug them when they need hugging, to play with them when they want playing with, to help them manage and understand their feelings and bodies and how to cope with stress as well as forming particular attachment to people.  Social skills can be gained at home.

Others insist nursery will help eradicate the shyness of some children.  It won't.  Shyness isn't always what someone does it can be simply who they are.  Some people are shy.  Shyness isn't a negative thing to be.  Rather than try and beat it we should instead help them develop healthy coping strategies and most of all respect their shyness.

I have nothing against pre-schools and nurseries and know many parents depend on them. However for myself and my children, they seem unnecessary and superfluous to our needs until they're about to start school.  I feel the British education system is too harsh and starts far far too early undermining the value of home and family.  In many countries formal education doesn't start until age 6-7 yet the pupils often are equal or even surpass ours academically.  Once in school, that's it for a very long time.  Once they turn five, unless you home school, they have to attend school. The government seem intent on separating our children from us as early as possible, enrolling into the system which they then have control over.  Because that's what it's all about; control.  Miraculously society have been led to accept this, to think that this is okay.

I'm genuinely happy that many toddlers are happy at nursery and that it was the right choice for their parents.   I just wish more people would extend the same courtesy and acceptance to those who delay nursery/pre-school

So yes, The Toddler is 3.5yrs old and not at Nursery yet and we're loving it.