Deep in the kitchen there's a cupboard, dubbed the cupboard of doom.  It's official title is the craft cupboard.  Open it at your own risk for the fruits and tools of expression will literally rain down on you.  Painfully.

Thing Two and The Dude love crafting and in my more masochistic moments the cupboard is declared open.

There's all sorts of odds and sods in there, including the bundles of previous creations.  To The Husbands disdain I have an inability to discard any scrap of baby The Spawn so much as scribble on before they start school.

So what are the main crafting staples (excuse the pun) in there?

'I hate tidying'

Thing One and Thing Two don't really have chores per se yet there are some simple tasks that we expect them to do such as putting their washing away and the real thorn in our side, tidying their rooms.  Don't get us wrong we're not OCD on the tidy front, infact I'm a reet scruffy bugger so we don't by any means expect it to be spotless, just well...tidy or tidier should we say, then it was.

Yet judging by the reaction Thing One displays every single time we ask him to tidy his room, you'd think we were asking him to go scalp himself.  To say he tantrums would be somewhat of an understatement.  He'll argue, shout, throw himself on his bed, throw himself under his bed, rock, scream, cry, hit himself, shout bloody murder etc etc.  Yes, really.

Thing Two however is a tad more subtle in her protests she usually just shuts her door, sits down and starts dressing up or reading or else wonders of wonders actually just gets on and tidies it!  Very occasionally if she's tremendously tired she may cry.  However, last night she silently handed me a note that said 'I hate Tidying' followed five minutes later, again in sullen silence, by another note that said 'I'm really tired'

Me too darling.  Me too. On both counts.

It's a wrap

Whilst Thing One was on shopping duty with The Husband I had The Toddler and Thing Two to entertain.  Being the sort who never ever learns from past experiences I stupidly thought I could entertain them both.  I put The Toddler in his high chair and produced his rainbow rice which he plays with endlessly when it's just him and then finally sat Thing Two down and proceeded to full fill one of those promises I made a while ago by using a hair wrap kit she got for Christmas.  Bare in mind I'm craft inept, have never done this before and have zero patience.  I should have quit really when I fucked up the first step and cut the thread the wrong length.

Well The Toddler started chucking the rice, chucking other random items, at us, whilst screaming maniacally and then tossed the whole tin of rice to the floor and started writhing and grunting trying to escape the chair and Thing Two got bored.  Not an enviable combination.

So it's rushed, it's messy, it's bodged in places and the end wasn't finished so is loose thread but she's happy and that's what counts.

Oh, pants.

Thing Two has spent the majority of the weekend trying to teach herself joined up writing and cutting up pieces of paper into smaller pieces of paper, over 100 tiny pieces to be exact.  She has a slight infatuation with her scissors, still better then boys I suppose.  She is the only five year old child I know who natters to play out with friends and then dumps them so she can hole herself up in her room and play with scissors....and write, a lot.

The Toddler has been driving me to distraction wit his constant demands to be taken to the toilet for a 'wee wee!!!' which appears to be somewhat of a game with a ritualistic element insofar as to say he has to shut the door, grab the toilet roll and stuff it between his legs, flush the toilet himself, weigh himself, drag his stool to the sink, turn the tap on, rinse hands....turn tap on fuller and then faff about on the landing before we descend the stairs (on our bums) only for him to want to repeat it 5 minutes later.  I never did fancy step aerobics.  Oh for the luxury of a downstairs loo.The Toddler also got his first pair of big boy pants this weekend, not that we expect we will need them anytime soon, not to mention the fact they're huge on him.  Despite being 25 months of age he is only just fitting into 12-18m clothes and the smallest ones were 18-24m.  He likes them mainly because he can take them off, to pee on the floor. We're still categorically not 'potty training him' rather we're following his cues and just providing the tools.  I endeavour to attempt this more enthusiastically in Summer. Preferably next Summer if I had my way, unfortunately he has other ideas, still at least we appear to be skipping the potty.  I detest potties.

Thing one has adored the lack of rain and the excessive amount of time he's been allowed to play outside with friends.  The little ray of sunshine really could make friends anywhere.  However we've also had the same old nuclearustic tantrums over tidying his room.

Dead Dollies

Thing Two arrived home from school on Friday with a special friend to stay the weekend, Tigger.  This is the third time he's stayed over at our house.  He gets given out to members of her class who have done well at school and he comes with his own overnight backpack with a bedtime story, pj's and a diary that I have to write in from his point of view.  Unfortunately Thing Two is 5 going on 40 so isn't easily charmed by a soft toy so the most fun he's had is a whirl in the washing machine as he was looking dreadfully grubby.  Occasionally she'll humour us grownups and pretend to be 5 and act accordingly.

Feeling brave I embarked on a half hour walk sans The Husband with all three kids after school.  The elder two were on their scooters and The Toddler as usual was on my back in the sling.  Surprisingly my anxiety levels didn't tip me over the edge.  Unfortunately we had to come home however as the sky threatened to leak on us.


The Toddler was somewhat unfortunate in his antics on Friday and ended up being the injured little soldier.  Seemingly unable to get off of the bed the usual safe and dare I say normal way he instead decided to participate in a decidedly trickier route which resulted with him cutting the inside of his lip.  Having not learned caution from that he later hurt his wee cheek whilst stacking and climbing on a multitude of toys, that toddler really is part monkey and part mountain goat.

The Husband barely escaped the doghouse when he received a phone call from somewhere he'd been that day informing him they'd found his wallet.  You know, his wallet that he hadn't even realised he'd lost.  the same wallet that happened to have an irreplaceable ninety pounds within it which is needed for a bill.  Gods only know why he took the money out with him in the first place yet by some cosmic magical alignment the money is still in the wallet and he shall be picking it up quick sharp on Monday. The Husband and money is about as disastrous as The Husband and electrical items.

The Toddler was lovingly playing with Thing Two's dolls yesterday and even went so far as to make them something to eat from his play kitchen and then tucked them in the pram saying 'shhhh night night' It was decidedly charming to witness, until five minutes later he squealed with wild abandonment and utter delight as he slung them one by one across the floor.  He's definitely related to Thing Two though she prefers to run them over.

Thing One made us immensely proud Friday after school.  Whilst playing outside with some newly acquired friends we happened to glance out the window to check all is well only to witness him riding a two wheel bike without stabilisers! My word! We bought him a bike last year yet due to weather he only had two attempts to ride it on a field with The Husband neither of which were remotely successful so what an unexpected surprise to see him learning on his own!

The Toddler is still tremendously obsessed with phone,s everything any anything is a phone, books, building bricks, pots, horses, dolls and of course not to forget actual phones.  Every time the house phone rings (which isn't often being the Misanthropic gits that we are) he dashes over towards it jubilantly shouting 'Nanna!" Nanna!' and picks up his own phone and commences to say 'hewwo, yes, yes, no, no, bye bye!'






and finally before I bore you utterly to tears another update on Thing Two's melon pot..