Thing One is on the cusp of not believing.  Moomin hasn't even found her own toes yet let alone a belief in Santa.  The Dude has only just learned to write his name.  Thing Two however, loves to write.  This is the second year she's written to Santa.  Last year he didn't reply, I think if that happened again this year the sadness would be palpable.

So, with a Moomin asleep on one of my arms I've typed a reply, one handed.  Lets hope she likes it...

Dearest [Thing Two],

I have just received your letter, what beautiful writing you have!  I bet your parents are very proud, I know myself and Mrs Claus are very impressed.  The Elves have told me that you’ve been a very good girl this year that’s worked hard at school and at home, keep up the good work as it makes me very happy to know I can trust you to behave even when others aren’t being as nice as they should.  You really should keep your room tidier though, I don’t want to trip up when I visit!

I’m glad you liked the gifts I left for you last year, I can only bring so much and yet I see so many things I think you’d like so it’s very hard to choose what to give to you. 

Where do I really live?  This is both an easy and a difficult question to answer, Princess.  I live at the North Pole yet often my village is cloaked in magic that can make it impossible for mortals to find.  I know it sounds mean but it’s necessary to ensure the safety of myself, The Elves and our reindeers

Do I go to shops for presents?  Not exactly, often it is my elves that help design the toys that you see in the shops.  Sometimes if there is a very specific toy a child has requested we may send an undercover Elf to procure it.  The Elves have many jobs, some are very highly skilled in the art of subterfuge and have the ability to appear as humans to help me, be it to help me see who’s on the good list or to help get presents from places you may know.  They’re everywhere which is why it’s so important children behave for who knows but their teacher, friend, doctor or even shop keeper may just be one of them.  Sometimes, especially now the world has so many children in it,I will ask the grownups to help me.  Often you’ll see boxes and parcels in your home that they get for me to collect, others my elves deliver so grownups can help wrap them.  Elves don’t breed as easily as grownups so as more and more children are born we require more and more help.  Mums and Dads are a great help to us.

Am I related to anyone?  I have my wife Mrs Claus yet as Father Christmas I see all children as my children and love you all dearly. I've existed under different names for longer than time itself and as thousands of years have passed I find I remember very little of my origins before the mantle of Santa Claus was bestowed upon me, only that as long as there is belief in the world, I exist so please keep believing!

It has been lovely writing to you yet the reindeer are giving the elves a hard time, it would appear they really do detest being bathed!  They’re being awfully naughty about it so I must intervene!  Also Mrs Claus needs me to try on my suit, it needs some repairs before Christmas Eve .

Keep up the good behaviour.  We’re very proud of you here at the North Pole.  We enjoy hearing you sing in the school choir and watching you play with your brothers and new baby sister.

Don’t forget to go to sleep nice and early Christmas Eve and leave your pillowcase out for me to fill.  I’m relying on you to ensure that [Thing One] and [The Dude] do the same.  I know I  can trust you to help them behave.

With Love & Magic,

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The C Lists

Hoorah, two things to strike off the christmas bucket list!

This year whilst making their Christmas lists I gave The Spawn some catalogs, kiddie scissors and glue sticks and let them have at it.  It kept them occupied for ages leaving me free to stuff my face with chocolate and have grown up television channels on. Win.

I then asked Things One & Two to write a letter to Santa Claus, choosing ten things from their copious lists to include within it.  As you can see Thing One got straight to the point whereas Thing Two actually wrote a rather darling letter to him inviting return correspondence.  Arse.

Not one to be left out, I've done my own list too though I fear blowing an elf may be the only way I'll get anything from it....I'm willing to be as nice or indeed as naughty as they wish.  If the elves are too busy to tattoo me, I wonder if I can just give them my PayPal address.....