The Sleep Assassin

Sleep is still somewhat of a delicate subject with regards to the Toddler, as in he isn't particularly proficient yet at letting me have any.  Some nights he'll easily drift to sleep either mid boobing or shortly after, only waking once maybe twice a night for a quick boob session, these are good nights.  Far from perfect yet manageable.  Other nights he'll resist sleep, usually if he's had a sneaky impromptu illicit nap during the day, he'll roll around his be and mine, try an initiate conversations about wee, poo and poo man, serenade me with Anthrax an generally test my fraying patience as my brain slurs the mantra 'gothefucktosleep' repeatedly.   When sleep finally overwhelms him, i'll try an make a quick escape to pee only to return to him blissfully still asleep....yet on my side of the bed! Cheeky git. This then leaves me with the choice of moving him an risk waking him or leaving him and being pillowless.  Give me strength.

Then there are the in-between nights where he'll nod off to sleep effortlessly and even stay asleep for a few hours but then due to illness or more often then not some inexplicable top secret reasons unbeknownst to me he will start to wake.....hourly. I shit you not.

Some day he'll sleep through.  Some day The Husband will once again sleep upstairs.  Some day i'll be able to come the evening downstairs until i'm ready to sleep.


Until then i'll watch the patterns my fraying sanity make in the dark, cherish the lullaby of his breaths next to me and his little hands gripping me as he nuzzles, snuggles and feeds because it won't last forever.