It's only Halloween.  It's only Bonfire night.  It's only November.  Arse.  It's November.  That means next month is December and with that comes Christmas.  Oh shitsticks.

Every year I vow that the next year I'll be more organised, yet my slatternly ways always assume there's more time than there actually is until bamf, turkeys, tinsel and presents hit me at 100mph sending my head into a 360 exorcist spin.

I have no pigs, let alone ones with blankets.

More importantly I don't have enough Gin to face Operation Christmas.

It's a minefield of strategic planning.  You can blow a thousand elves, but essentially it's still all down to you.  Especially when The Husband is an atrocious Bah Humbug. Buy the presents, wrap the presents, buy the food, cook the food, decorate the tree, psyche the kids up, keep the magic alive, feed the bloody reindeer etc I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

I have started shopping.  Just.  I have about six small presents bought. Go team me!

If you start too early you end up buying more and more as The Cretins add more and more to their Christmas Lists, you get seduced by the onslaught of offers that just keep appearing and you end up needing to fund an extension to store all the loot in as you've run out of hiding places.  There's that much stuff hidden under the bed The Husband thinks you're hiding a fella under there and you try to make the kids believe your bed has mumps.  Leave it to the last minute and nothing is in stock, anywhere.  You're mentally calculating how much in therapy it will cost you when your sweet spawn turn into emo teens who think melancholy is not getting a robotic fish for Christmas 2013.

Unfortunately, sorry, you have to plan.  I know, I know it leaves a bad taste in my mouth too, it even makes the Gin taste off.

Never fear though, put some sweatpants on, take your bra off/scratch your balls, grab some chocolate, turn the tv on and I'll do some of the hard-work for you because I'm nice like that I have no life  I am an insomniac.

1. Lists are your friend.  Obviously get the children to do lists then from their lists make a list of what you're buying them and what other family members are buying them.  I'm a fan of sending relatives lists as although they may think Mickey's Clubhouse teddy is adorable, your Ben10 mad son may disagree somewhat.  In the age of technology you can make lists on amazon or use thethingsiwant.com which allow you to share them easily and for people to mark what they buy so you can keep track.

2.  Set a budget.  I know it sounds obvious but don't be airy fairy about it, set a figure.  Do it.  Not just in total but per person.

3. The figures you just came up with? add 25% shhh! Just do it.  Now, the catch is you're not allowed to spend this bit until the week before Christmas.  Trust me, you'll get to the week before Christmas and you'll realise there is something you forgot or even someone you forgot.  Maybe you didn't factor in the little bits and bats that make up stocking fillers.  Whatever, you'll be glad of this extra money.  If by some miracle you don;t need it, Bombay Sapphire baby!

4. Be wary of offers and don't fall into The False Economy Trap.  Some will be splendid, others will just entice you into buying crap you don't want or need all for the sake of saving a few quid.  They may be great value, but only if you actually need whatever it is that is 'too good to say no to'.  Otherwise you've spent funds yet have things that aren't on the list.

5. Do your research.  Prices can vary drastically for the same item depending on where you buy.  Shop around.

6. Shop online.  You avoid the crowds, the manic panic of shoppers with Christmas berserker fever in their eyes as they elbow, shove and snatch their way through over crowded stores trampling on anyone that gets in their way as you then have to walk battered and bruised in the cold and dark with bags full of things that play stupid tunes every time you step off a kerb as the bags threaten to break.  Not fun.  Stay at home, have a glass of vino and watch Eastenders whilst you browse online.  You're also more likely to stick to budget, will find it easier to compare prices and find promotions and won't be tempted by shiny displays of 'must have' items that nobody has ever mentioned wanting.

7. Be wary of post and packing costs.  Your £3.99 gift isn't a bargain if it costs £4.99 to have it delivered.  Try and limit how many places you buy from to save on delivery costs.

8. Read reviews first.  You may find that the overpriced all singing all dancing plastic nightmare you bought is actually riddled with faults and will be a huge disappointment.

9. If you're buying something electronic, test it works before you wrap it to avoid disappointment on the big day.

10. Utilise companies such as Quidco and Top Cash Back to not only save money but earn money too as you buy things you were going to buy anyway.

11. Save up loyalty points throughout the year to use at Christmas, it all adds up be it boots points of Tesco vouchers.

12. Before you wrap gifts, make a list of what batteries they take so you can make sure you have batteries for everything ready.  Nothing worse a being a kid who gets a toy they can't play with on Christmas day because they have no batteries.

13. Sign up to sites such as secret sales and Zulily for bargains but make sure you research before you buy, some of the bargains are amazing, others may be cheaper on none sale sites.  Also keep an eye out on sites such as groupon as sometimes experiences are better than items and can make unique gifts.

14. Pound shops are your new best friend.  Don't be shy, take a deep breath and CHARGE! You may be surprised at what you find, it's not all tat and you can get oodles of stocking fillers.

15. Before you spend petrol and sanity and go to Waterstones or WHS for book gifts, try The Book People or Red House for some utter bargains.

16. Good luck.  You'll need it.  Just think, you'll have a whole year until it starts all over again.  Don't cry, snot and Gin don't mix.

12 Tips to encourage your child to read

We all know how important and essential reading is in life, not just for the practical things but for fun and reading really should be fun.  Thankfully I'm blessed with three little bookworms.   Things One and Two are many years ahead with their reading, during the holidays the local library had a competition to read six full books in six weeks.....Things One and Two did it in a week.  Although not a reader yet, The Toddler loves his books, he loves looking through them, he loves pretending to read them and he loves us reading to him.  So for anyone not quite sure on how to start and encourage reading, here's some basic tips:

1. It's never too early.  You can read to your baby whilst it's in utero.  The sound of your voice will be comforting and you yourself may find it relaxing, and a way to bond with baby before they're even born.  Once baby is born, read to them, It doesn't matter if they don't appear to show any attention.  Just read.  It encourages and creates a quiet place and time to relax and just be with mum or dad.  Let them explore the books, there's some fabulously tactile books available even if they just chew that amazing board book you got them, let them.

2. Have plenty of books.  We have hundreds.  Literally.  With places like Pound shops, Home Bargains, The Book People and second hand shops there really is no excuse to not have a heap of books.

3. Make them easily accessible.  We have toy tubs filled with books so when toddlers they can rummage through, pick their own...sometimes half the fun is in the choosing or rediscovering an old favourate under a pile of new ones. Make them a natural part of everyday life, utilise bath books and buggy books.  If you babywear you can attach buggy books to your sling.

4. Toddlers often enjoy word books, insofar as to say books full of pictures of things around the home or in nature etc where they can point at an item and you can name it.  As they get older they have so much fun 'seeking' things on the page you name.  Rhyming books are also a favourate where they can often finish the last word of the sentence from memory.

5. Let them see you read.  Children like to emulate adults.

6. Use subtitles.  As Things One and Two learned to read they'd subconsciously read the subtitles on the television, something we usually leave on permanently because of the noise The Spawn make.  This way they are actually reading whilst doing something else they enjoy, watching tv, thus giving it another positive association.

7. Unless what you are doing is absolutely 100% time critical urgent, never ever say no if your child asks you to read them a book.  Put your phone down, turn off the laptop, lower the volume on the tv.  Focus that moment on being with your child and sharing the book.  Cuddle them, laugh with them....enjoy the story with them.

8. Ask questions.  Ask them about the story, about the characters and the pictures.  Let them try and guess what will happen next or let them think about why something happened before.  Ask them about their favourite part.  If a character is happy/sad ask the child why they think that is.  Point out colours and details. Involve them in the story.

9. Remember it doesn't matter what they read, reading is reading.  Forget about the books they 'should' be reading according to whoareyou et al. Whether it's road signs, magazines, the Argos catalogue or the back of a cereal box, it's all reading.  Better still, it's natural curiosity fuelled reading.  They're doing it because they can and because they want to.  Encourage it all.  Discover what they're interested in, be it cars or Moshi Monsters and feed their interest with associated literature.

10. Never treat reading as a chore.  The more you try and make someone do something, the less likely they are to ever want to do it.  The key to successful reading is to ensure it's something they want to do and better still, like doing.  Never force it.  Personally we don't believe in homework for infants, they spend enough time at school without having to bring it home.  Don't tell your child they have to read that night, ask them if they'd like to.  Tell them you enjoy doing it with them.  Ask them if you can do it together Show interest in what they're learning to read and again ask questions about it that they can answer.  Children like feeling knowledgeable, they like the novelty of teaching you something.  Respect them if they don't want to read right now.  It's really okay.

11. They're never too old to be read a story.  Why not take it in turns to read a page/chapter each to unwind after a busy day, snuggle up and enjoy the closeness it can bring whilst you discover a story together, share the anticipation for the next instalment.

12. Finally, limit technology.  Seriously.  It's unnecessary.  I'm not saying ban it, yet there is no need for young children to possess phones, consoles and the like.  Let them have limited access to your laptop or pc, to explore Google etc, it's still reading and is a fun way for them to get answers to their many questions and expand their general knowledge of the world around them.  Let them be children and use their imagination.  To understand the magic of writing and reading. Provide them with the tools, plenty of books, pens and paper. You'll soon find them devouring novels in their rooms and writing their own.  A video game or tablet is only a gift until the next upgrade is available.  Letting a child organically nurture their own imagination through books however, is a gift for life.

Colour Me Happy

I've been dying my hair for 16 years now.  I don't claim to be good at it and i'm awfully fickle.  I've been a host of colours even two contrasting at the same time on several occasions.  I don't do some of the awesome intricate dye jobs you may find pictures of online  because to be frank, I have no patience and hardly any artistic merit.

When it comes to the bright colours I tend to use Directions because I'm familiar with it and it works.  You can also try Special FX, Star Gazer (wasn't personally impressed with this one), Manic Panic and Fudge (fab stuff but doesn't last long and is expensive) etc.

I thought I'd share some tips I've picked up along the way.

• If you see a colour you like on a swatch bare in mind that colour will only look like that on white/bleached hair.  The darker shades (like Dark Tulip etc) will work on darker hair but it will just leave a shiny hint of a colour.  
• If you've never bleached your hair before it generally goes through set stages in colour lifting so don't be alarmed if your hair doesn't look like the Nordic blonde on the box.  Firstly if your hair is dark it will go to a dark copper orange, then a brighter orange, then a strawberry blonde like colour, then a bright yellow then a banana flesh super pale yellow and then white.  Apparently once it goes white your hair has lost a lot of keratin.  You may have to lighten your hair a few times if you have naturally dark hair.  For Red, Orange and purple colours you can get away with just lifting to pale-mid orange.  However, to get a decent blue or green you really need that pale banana flesh colour, using a white toner after lightening can cancel out the brassy tones and make the blue/green take even better.
• If your hair is dyed a dark colour, try using ColourB4 first, it whiffs a bit but is amazing at removing drugstore hair colour from your hair without bleaching.
• These types of vegetable dye can be used straight after lightening as they're very conditioning and after bleaching the hair fibres are more likely to take in more pigment.
• Be prepared, you will need an old top you no longer use, Vaseline, disposable gloves and cling film or a shower cap.
• Before you start wash your hair with a pH balanced shampoo, do NOT condition.  If you rinse with hot water it will open the fibres on your hair to absorb the colour better.
• Towel dry it well otherwise the dye will be far too drippy.
• Put Vaseline around your hair line and your ears.  These dyes stain, it obviously is removable but always best to avoid the purple ears etc in the first place!
• Make sure you have gloves as these dyes do not come with them.
• Once you've coated your hair in dye wrap it in cling film and put a shower cap over the top.  
• It says leave for around 15 mins on the tub.  If you have super bleached hair it will colour in this time but if you want the colour to last you really need to leave it on for at the very least an hour, more if possible.  It will not have any adverse effects on your hair like drugstore dyes, it will just condition it, many people even leave it on over night.
• You can at intervals give it a blast with the hair drier.
• When you rinse it, rinse with water as cool as you can possibly handle, if you use hot water it will open the hair fibres and allow more dye to run out.
• You may have to rinse for a while....
• Make sure you use old/dark towels
• Generally the colour lasts around 6-8 washes but it can be unpredictable and last longer or wash out sooner.  If you want the colour out sooner (why?!) try washing with washing up liquid or head and shoulders/vosene as these can strip dye out of your hair.
• If you want to boost the longevity of the dye add a teaspoon to your conditioner and leave your conditioner on for a few minutes each time you wash your hair.
• If your hair is thick of longer then jaw length you may very well need two tubs.
• All directions shades can be mixed to create your own shades