If you're a Mum you've probably at some had an ill baby or been concerned something may be wrong yet you're uncertain what to do, you don't want to be labelled the neurotic Mum at the Dr's nor do you want to not go and risk your child growing a second head that then explodes.  You crave advice or validation or even just good old virtual hand-holding.  You've learned from the past not to ask good old Dr Google seeing as you start with a mere splinter yet end up with something you can't pronounce that's possibly terminal.  So you turn to people you think will understand, other parents.

Being Santa...

Thing One is on the cusp of not believing.  Moomin hasn't even found her own toes yet let alone a belief in Santa.  The Dude has only just learned to write his name.  Thing Two however, loves to write.  This is the second year she's written to Santa.  Last year he didn't reply, I think if that happened again this year the sadness would be palpable.

So, with a Moomin asleep on one of my arms I've typed a reply, one handed.  Lets hope she likes it...

Dearest [Thing Two],

I have just received your letter, what beautiful writing you have!  I bet your parents are very proud, I know myself and Mrs Claus are very impressed.  The Elves have told me that you’ve been a very good girl this year that’s worked hard at school and at home, keep up the good work as it makes me very happy to know I can trust you to behave even when others aren’t being as nice as they should.  You really should keep your room tidier though, I don’t want to trip up when I visit!

I’m glad you liked the gifts I left for you last year, I can only bring so much and yet I see so many things I think you’d like so it’s very hard to choose what to give to you. 

Where do I really live?  This is both an easy and a difficult question to answer, Princess.  I live at the North Pole yet often my village is cloaked in magic that can make it impossible for mortals to find.  I know it sounds mean but it’s necessary to ensure the safety of myself, The Elves and our reindeers

Do I go to shops for presents?  Not exactly, often it is my elves that help design the toys that you see in the shops.  Sometimes if there is a very specific toy a child has requested we may send an undercover Elf to procure it.  The Elves have many jobs, some are very highly skilled in the art of subterfuge and have the ability to appear as humans to help me, be it to help me see who’s on the good list or to help get presents from places you may know.  They’re everywhere which is why it’s so important children behave for who knows but their teacher, friend, doctor or even shop keeper may just be one of them.  Sometimes, especially now the world has so many children in it,I will ask the grownups to help me.  Often you’ll see boxes and parcels in your home that they get for me to collect, others my elves deliver so grownups can help wrap them.  Elves don’t breed as easily as grownups so as more and more children are born we require more and more help.  Mums and Dads are a great help to us.

Am I related to anyone?  I have my wife Mrs Claus yet as Father Christmas I see all children as my children and love you all dearly. I've existed under different names for longer than time itself and as thousands of years have passed I find I remember very little of my origins before the mantle of Santa Claus was bestowed upon me, only that as long as there is belief in the world, I exist so please keep believing!

It has been lovely writing to you yet the reindeer are giving the elves a hard time, it would appear they really do detest being bathed!  They’re being awfully naughty about it so I must intervene!  Also Mrs Claus needs me to try on my suit, it needs some repairs before Christmas Eve .

Keep up the good behaviour.  We’re very proud of you here at the North Pole.  We enjoy hearing you sing in the school choir and watching you play with your brothers and new baby sister.

Don’t forget to go to sleep nice and early Christmas Eve and leave your pillowcase out for me to fill.  I’m relying on you to ensure that [Thing One] and [The Dude] do the same.  I know I  can trust you to help them behave.

With Love & Magic,

***If the header/footer images are yours and you'd like them crediting or deleting please do get in touch so I can do this for you.

You know you're a mum when.... #2

Following on  from an old post, I bring you 'You know you're a mum when.....#2'

* In order to not share your posh ice cream you tell the children that they can't have any because it's Canadian and only adults can have Canadian things (then consequently ask yourself how  you ever became so desperate that spontaneously making up such nonsense is the norm?)

* The Spawn are playing in the garden and you're tempted to lock them out there (just for five minutes...honest)

* You glance out of the out the bathroom window at your little darlings playing/fighting blisfully an have to fight the urge to throw water at them.

* Your will power is weak.  You throw the water anyway....and laugh.

* You excuse yourself to go to the loo for a shit, the shit bit is important it as ensures no little people will follow you.  You spend 10-20 blissful minutes sat on the closed bog seat messing about on your phone... alone.

* You bar the kids from the kitchen whilst you're cooking when really you're just seeing how much chocolate an biscuits you can stuff into your mouth in the time it takes the oven to heat up without having to share any of it.

* You genuinely consider putting Gin on your weetabix.

The Toddler

Because it's been a while and they're so small for such a remarkably heart breaking short amount of time within which they undergo so many changes and really do light up our days, I figured it was about time for another post dedicated to him.

I suppose technically he's The Preschooler now what with him turning three, yes three, next month.  Excuse me whilst I weep.  No really.  Seeing as The Husband is most clear in his 'No more babies' line, The Toddler is my last beloved little person and I find the dramatic pace at which he's growing up terribly alarming whilst my womb positively wails 'please sir, can we have some more?'

Next month he will be three.  So far we've been breastfeeding for 35 months.  He's not worn any kind of nappy for around seven months now (he pee's at the toilet, standing on his tippee toes!, In an absurd way it's incredibly cute).  He still doesn't sleep through.  We still co-sleep.  He talks more and more every day, we understand about 75% of it, he often has to resort to charades to enlighten us with his insights and demands.  He is undeniably friendly and incredibly polite, not a door opened for us goes without him chirping 'thank-you!' He has a rather extensive and amusing amount of quirky idiosyncrasies already.  He genuinely is a beautiful, charming, funny, sarcastic little sunbeam.

A few toddlerisms from him lately:

Whilst we were out and about and he was as usual in the Wompat on my back, we could hear the noisy chorus of birds around us to which he repeatedly shouted with increasing irritation 'SHUT UP TWEET TWEETS! SHUT UP!'

The day before this whilst once again high up on my back in the sling we caught him trying to physically reach up and pluck an aeroplane from the sky.  Bless.

Just last night, at bedtime, The Husband was lovingly trying to read another book to him when The Toddler shut it half way and declared 'The End' followed by 'Get bent **** (He still refuses to call him Daddy/Dad and insists on always calling The Husband by his first name.  He's always done this) Go away.' Charming!

He is still insistent on foraging for his own food and frequently raids the cupboards and even drags his little stool in the kitchen on the sly so he can raid the fridge which often results in me finding little gems like this in the fridge.....

Whilst chatting about his upcoming birthday:

Me to h: 'what do you want for your birthday?'
The Toddler: 'Robot!'
Me: 'anything else?'The Toddler: 'Chocolate cake!!!!'Me: 'anything else?'The Toddler: 'Doughnuts!'Me: 'okay, anything else?'The Toddler: 'A cow.'[pause]The Toddler: 'and a clipclop!!!'Okay, that's that sorted then.....

He still adores dressing up, twirling in tutu's, rolling his eyes at you in complete disdain and attempting to control Things 1 & 2.  He frequently calls out for 'elf rescue!' and is fabulous at fighting The Husband should he dare to bug me.

Best go, he's just tried to cover up his intrusion on Things 1& 2 upstairs with a rather sweet 'Goodbye my friends! My best friends!' as he zooms down the stairs at 80mph on his arse.