One of our favourate recipes to bake at home is Jammie Dodgers.  They're cheap to make, easy, fun and best of all they're yummy.

I promised The Preschooler we could bake this week, the only ingredient we'd run out of was Jam.  Not a problem whilst doing our #MorrisonsMum shop, we picked some up and as a bonus it fell under their new #imcheaper price.  It means you can afford to get a better quality product for less without having to drop down in quality a little to the basic range.

I'll now pass you over to The Preschooler's more than capable expert hands to show you how to make this culinary delight....

1.
 (First you have to add all the ingrediants; flour (& bicarbnate of soda), sugar, butter, egg and golden syrup)

2.

(The we Mix mix mix)

3.

(Now we roll it out.)

4.

(Then we cut the shapes out, don't forget the holes!)

5.

(Get a grown up to put them in the oven)

6.

(Finally put the jam or chocolate spread on!)

The recipe we use is the Jammie Dodgers recipe from the Morrisons website.

To make these you will need:

* Plain Flour
* Caster Sugar
* Bicarbonate Soda
* Golden Syrup
* Egg (#ImCheaper !)
* Jam* (#ImCheaper !)
* Icing sugar (#ImCheaper !)

* You can also substitute the jam for lemon curd or chocolate spread.

Here's some I made earlier:

** Disclaimer: This post is part of the Morrisons & Britmums #MorrisonsMum campaign.  To take part we were provided with gift vouchers to spend in Morrisons.

The Preschooler's 4th Birthday

Yes, The Spawn are terribly deprived children who've never had a proper birthday party.  I know, I know we're terrifically mean.

We used to celebrate The Spawns Birthday by inviting close family members around for buffet and cake yet as our brood increased including the felines and with limited space it's terrible impractical.  Not to mention all that bother cooking and preparing the food etc.  It's all a bit of a ball ache and a trifle claustrophobic with so many bums and so little space.  It would take up the entire day and was frightfully exhausting, mentally.

So last year we turned it all around.  We now go out to eat to celebrate The Spawns birthdays, at lunchtime.  They get to select the where and we invite the family to join us should they like to.  Everyone has a fantastic time and we all get to go our separate ways and enjoy the rest of the day afterwards.

The Preschoolers birthday started with him opening and playing with his presents and cards from us at home, having a nice intimately quiet morning, just the 5 (+bump) of us.  The Preschooler chose to eat at The Chinese Buffet, one of his favourate restaurants, where we met both sets of grandparents, one of his cousins and one of his uncles.

Following that we went home for another hour or so, relaxing and generally attempting to recover from our gluttony when we realised the day was beautiful and we already had bus tickets for the day so we went to a park that was two bus journies away.  The only decent parks to us are around a 1.5 mile walk away, uphill homewards bound so it's nice when in the posession of Bus tickets to go to a park of choice.  We chose Close Park in Radcliffe which The Spawn dubbed 'Violet Park' many years ago as this is the name they gave to the giant dinosaur sculpture as you enter.  For me, I like a part that has separate areas for bigs and smalls to limit the chances of smalls getting knocked about yet I also like there to be space to play with balls etc, grassland.  This park fits the bill perfectly.

So they ran, they played and fun was had by all.  The sun was shining and the park was blissfully un-busy, enough people for it to be interesting yet not at all crowded.  As none drivers and limited pennies for public transport it can at times feel rather stifling so it's terrific to see The Spawn set loose and free to enjoy the space and outdoors.

The Birthday Boy was a hurricane of motion all day.

They played.

The day was beautiful.

Thing Two had fun,

The littlies played well together.

Thing One had fun.

Despite my phobia of swans, geese and peacocks I adore ducks.

The Boys were being boys.

The other park visitors all appeared to possess that rarity known as park etiquette keeping dogs and foul language away from the  play areas, with no obvious Alpha Children pushing their luck.

The only downside was upon departure, myself and the boys were desperate for a wee.  Just like last time we visited this park appear to see the need to lock up the toilets ridiculously early.  It's okay for the boys much easier for them to discreetly relieve themselves al fresco.  I however, being pregnant, had a ridiculoiusly  uncomfortably full bladder which had to remain that way for the hour journey home.  Cheers Bury Council. Brilliant.  You're so thoughtful.

Having questioned The Preschooler on his favourate part of his whole day he replied that it was having a blue ice lolly that turned his teeth lips and tongue blue.  The simple things eh?

So lots of presents, seven buses, a huge lunch, a play in the park and back home for butties for tea and a quick flying visit from one of his other uncles and one of his cousins.

If that's not a perfect birthday, what is? Spent with people you love and who love you right back, doing the things you love.

A letter to The Preschooler (4th Birthday Post)

How on earth is The Preschooler four? He went to bed aged three, as usual, Monday night and then woke up a four year old on Tuesday.  I know it sounds terribly cliche but I can't believe he's four already, I can still remember the day he was born as if it was mere weeks or months ago, not years.  I have no idea how that happened, how has time gone so fast?  So fast that it feels stolen.  I just wish, I could freeze it now and then.  Because it’s so precious.  Because he’s so precious.

I'll write about his actual birthday in the next post, you know to go full on Mummy Blogger at you complete with pictures.

Dear The Preschooler,

I thought you were my last.  I was told you would be by The Almighty Husband and yet here we are celebrating your fourth birthday with your baby sister flip flopping about inside me.  You're going to be an awesome big brother.

You’re bigger and brighter than life.  You, like your siblings, are my eternal sunshine in a grey world.  You’re the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I awake.  Your little snorts and grunts are the soundtrack to my dreams.

You’re so heartrendingly charming.  You’re funny and cuddly.  You’re imaginative and creative.  You’re a diva and even that as frustrating as it can be, it utterly endearing.

There’s a wild magic within you.  Keep it safe my darling.  Never let it go.

I have nothing to give you, other than my by heart.  But it’s yours.  It’s yours and your siblings baby.

You'll change the world baby, just by being you it's already a better place.

Yours always,

Mummy

xxx

The Preschooler's Birth Story (2010) - [repost]

Ah i believe I promised you all an actual update, did I not? Well here you are my lovelies.

As you have probably correctly guessed we are now a family of five. Pregnancy was unfortunately the hardest yet with back pain and spd so severe I was near housebound for four months other then frequent trips to fat camp for naughty blood pressure. Oh the joys.

Oh and along the journey I also managed to 'sack' one awful midwife with a phonecall to her superior along the lines of 'do not let that vile woman darken my doorstep ever again' in an i'm a pregnant woman hear me roar moment aka 'fuck with me and i'll sit on you whilst subjecting you to my pregnant ninja hormones'

I suppose at this point a birth story may be in order....those with a penis and without vaginal secretions may want to look away.

A VERY long write up for a very short birth!

So just to recap, on Wednesday 14th I had a hospital antenatal appointment at 39+2 were the doctor agreed to give me an early sweep (I had a bishops score of 9 and was soft and 3-4 cm dilated) I was then sent for a BP profile (they take your BP every 20 mins over 100 mins so there's five readings to compare and so a pattern can be gained, they also put you on a fetal monitor for 20 mins to monitor baby's heart rate and movements and to detect any contractions. They also take PET bloods) as my Bp was once again on the up.

Bloods came back clear, BP sort of settled, it was still high for me but no longer hypertensive. Baby's trace was perfect.

A doctor came and said that due to my immense disability from the spd and spine and my naughty BP they'd have me back in on Friday for a repeat BP profile and another sweep. After that they'd admit me at 9am on Monday 19th (Harris' EDD) for induction (ARM and drip).

Once home I had a clary sage bump rub and as usual spent the evening on my birthing ball bouncing before having a clary sage bath. With my previous sweeps I’d gone into labour within hours so wasn't feeling too hopeful in the evening. As we'd been at hospital all day my mum and brother kindly bought us a takeaway curry (Not to start things off tho, i only had a korma lol) then i had a long soak in a clary sage bath and washed my hair. I'd not had a single cramp, twinge, tickle of even a braxton hicks (i never get braxton hicks in pregnancy). The only thing that happened was i was losing more and more mucus plug throughout the evening and the next morning (all plug, no bloody show)

Morning came and I’m feeling decidedly unlabour-ish and slightly peeved that the sweep hadn't worked.

At 10.40am I was in my Thing One's room with Thing Two putting away some washing (as it was clogging up the cot in my room lol) and I felt a pain, a painful and sudden pain out of nowhere. I discounted it but then a few mins later i got another. I came downstairs and sat on my ball and 'zoned' out trying to establish what i was feeling and more pains came. By 10:20am I’d had about 8-10 intense pains (full on contractions, no niggles or build up cramps) , my bump was going hard and they were coming every 2mins 40 seconds lasting around 50 seconds. At this point I’m in total denial chatting to me bezzy mate online whilst The Husband was mowing the lawn. Due to various ailments I have a warped reaction to pain. Small sudden pains I wibble over but real intense pains i almost step around and outside of if that makes any sense. I decided I’d have a bath and take two paracetamol so up stairs i go, bath running, dh is with the washing machine repair guy and I’m bent over the sink in tears. Yes tears. I couldn't deny it any longer these pains were hard, fast and crippling.

The Husband comes up the stairs takes one look at me, pulls the plug on the bath and gets my bags ready to call an ambulance, it's only about an hour after the very first pain and I’m near rigid with pain and unable to stop crying. I insisted we wait for my parents first as they were due to have Thing Two that day anyway and were on their way. I try to call the hospital but the 24 hour maternity phone number............had nobody answering it! Cue more panic. I tried calling about 5 times.

Once The Parents were here (obviously The Mother had to finish doing her hair first) I’m trying hard to block out the pain and remain composed, i don't 'do' company when I’m in pain, I have to seclude myself in my own space so it wasn't helping with my mum flitting around me, i know she just wanted to help but it was having the opposite effect.

The ambulance took about 20 mins to get here. I waited at the top of the road as i was insistent I’d not let them put me on one of those chairs they strap you in. Imagine my horror when about 20 mins after phoning for one....a rapid response car turns up?!?! ARGH! a car!  The bloke see's I’m clearly in labour (well duh, I did tell them) and looks a bit worried when told that even before labour I was 3-4 cm dilated...oops. My mum is stood there rubbing my back which is driving me up the wall and making me want to slap her but I sucked a breath in and blocked it out because she was trying to deal in her own way of seeing her daughter in pain and she thought she was helping. The Husband and I get in the ambulance and the paramedic starts asking questions. I'm quiet....just like with my other two people mistake the composure for lack of pain when in fact it's the opposite. The paramedic notices the tension in my face and the silent tears still streaming down my face and the lights and siren go on and he finally offers me entinox, yay!!!!! I'm hammering the entinox like there's no tomorrow because for that brief blissful minute when you're hammering it, everything goes furry round the edges and details fade and you can 'escape' especially as I close my eyes and just concentrate on breathing it in and breathing out. The contractions were on top of each other and I remember saying to The Husband 'I’m really sorry but please don't talk to me because you don't even exist to me right now'

It seemed to take forever to get to hospital and when the ambulance parks up I turn to The Husband  and apparently said 'f**k, I’m stoned!'. There were no wheelchairs but I insisted I’d walk whilst hubby carries the Entinox canister under his arm and I’m shown into the first delivery room.

Bliss Entinox on tap...it comes straight out the wall! I ask for diamorphine.... the mw chuckles and thinks’ I’m joking. The paramedic said to the mw ‘do you have some entinox I have to take this back to the ambulance’ to which the mw replied something along the lines of ‘er..yeah we have some, what with us being a labour ward’ and then pulled a tube out of the wall where it was ‘on tap’ . Genius!

My BP is high, an internal shows I’m 7cm and baby is 'very low' ..... this time i get my diamorphine when i re-ask! ...'if you get me diamorphine i will marry you' ... 'are you sure you want some?' .. 'YES'.. That’s why I blooming asked...twice. duh.

Upon finding out I’d not eaten since the night before the mw sends The Husband on a mission to get me a non-fizzy energy drink, he comes back with raspberry sport lucozade, a giant cookie and a large bakewell tart.... thoughtful? Very,  but I’m in agony, my world revolves around the blissful furry blackness of entinox, the last thing in the world I want is food! Fools!

Everytime a contraction ends and I’m coming down off the G&A my voice croaks and I get the compulsion to talk...a lot....and I feel like jack Dee on stage.

My BP should be settling however it's not...it's increasing and when diastolic was 113 they seek a dr who tells them to medicate me to try and bring it down. However, baby's trace is perfect, he's apparently very happy and kicks me a few times to prove it, I didn't expect him to kick in labour so was surreally amused!

The Husband was wearing a bandana/cap head thing and I allegedly turned to him and said in an acerbic tone 'do you think you're some kind of effin' surgeon with that stupid thing on your head or what?'

They need to test my pee ( have already stolen my blood) and I’m desperate for a pee but know there is no way in hell I could walk to the loo, the pain is too fast and intense so shame of shame...she gets a bedpan, I feel like a geriatric.... she puts it on the chair but i can't physically get off the bed so she puts it under and I can't effin' pee! He was resting that low so she had to use a catheter (nooooooo! i don't want it!) I was later told there was very significant amounts of protein in my wee .

As my BP is not behaving (i'm hooked up to a cuff throughout and it takes readings automatically on a timer) a dr tells the mw to break my waters....she examines me and I’m already 10cm, probably had been for ages hence why i couldn't move/wee/think. She breaks the waters and suddenly she's calling out for more people in the room with phrases like 'thick as gravy' being thrown around (I later learned this was grade III meconium, the worst kind) Whilst this is happening I get a contraction and i hear a voice...that's apparently mine whimpering this confused and pained 'oh? oooh?' not understanding as I feel my body working without my consensus, without any effort or action by me I  could feel him sliding down, the midwife literally blinked, turned back and shouted 'heads coming!' I was already 'panting' on the G&A as she's saying ...'yes...control it...short breaths' i felt like shouting 'I’m not doing anything! I’m not pushing! I don't even know why I’m panting before being told to' no sooner as she'd said heads coming, it was out and his body followed straight after. There was no bearing down or conscious effort...it was like the waters were the only thing stopping him falling out and once they went he slid out....I just felt this weird descending feeling followed by a ‘flop’ as he sped out.

I'm was shaking...absolute 'shock' shaking, I couldn't genuinely comprehend how in 5 short mins I was declared 10cm, waters were broken and baby is screaming and slithering on my tummy covered in slime, blood, vernix and LOTs of thick brown glooopy mucus meconimum...I’m petrified by my own confusion.... I didn't even try and push...how is he here?! " huh? how did that happen?' i meeped to the mw's....they were too busy to reply!

APGAR @ 1 min was 9
@ 5 mins it was 6.....

One min i'm getting my head round the fact my baby is here and the next they're taking him away from me........Not just away from me but out of the room.

According to the notes whilst away he had: Tracheal suction, vocal chords visualised, mask and valve ventilation and tactile stimulation.

Whilst he was away the mw found i had a 1cm 1st degree tear and put three stitches in whilst i puffed on G&A (she said to use a local anaesthetic it would just be even more needles for me to feel lol) I was still shaking with this bemused and blank expression on my face (I have a pic to illustrate this but no, i aint posting it lol) , my teeth were clattering with shivers and shakes against the mouthpiece of the G&A, i don’t think i’ve ever been that close to being in actual ‘shock’ before. Oh and just to add to it tey found a 'lump' down there and had to call a doc in but she thinks it's just a cyst.

Once he was back with me they let us have ages of time alone. It was like this with my first but with my second i was shunted into a bath and up to a room on the ward before i could do/say anything getting virtually no skin to skin. Eventually I felt ready to have a shower after demolishing the giant cookie and falling utterly in love with my beautiful boy and came back from the shower to a pile of toast, i couldn't stop eating and tbh am still eating like a pig three days later!

I got my own room on the ward (free too for medical grounds ...i.e mental health )which was a massive worry off of my mind....i get freaked out in social situations. However, it had it's own shower, bidet and sink but...........no toilet!? I had to trundle down the corridor every time i wanted a wee lol. Food was teeeeeeeeeeny portions so dh kept me in stash of yummies lol.

I didn’t sleep the first night or various reasons...too high on adrenaline? Couldn’t figure out how to turn the light off, noisy bints on the ward next door, the door bell of the ward constantly going off and woman constantly pressing their buzzers.....all night long. The headboard thing was too stiff to move, the pillows were horrid and i knew if i laid down i’d bleed heavier and it was a long walk to the loo’s to c lean up if that happened!

The ‘Patient line’ tv/phone/internet thing was a waste of money. The internet wouldn’t open babycentre and wouldn’t load facebook! I wanted to watch greys anatomy but it didn’t have living channel on it. So waste of a fiver really!

My parents brought my ds and dd to visit the evening after he was born, they are besotted with him J

My BP was monitored closely on the ward as were Harris' obs. He has plasters on both feet and on his hand as they had to take blood from him four times :( At first he had my rhesus antibodies in his blood, then he didn't, then they thought he had ABO incompatibility (I’m O- he's A+) an his bilibrum (sp?) levels were checked a fair few times too. He wasn't at all interested in feeding and all he wanted to do was sleep and spit up mucus (just like my other two) I was panicking that the lack of feeding and the blood stuff would keep us in hospital longer (this happened with dd) but the mw's were fab and agreed that he was probably too full of mucus, tired from the birth and doped up from my diamorphine to feed, that he would when he was ready and that as I’ve bf before they agreed i know what i was doing and they'd leave me to it :)

He filled about 3-4 nasty nappies in hospital (has done about 8 meconium filled nappies in three days...grim) but doesn't seem to be a big wee'er yet. Was getting worried about his feeding (or lack of) the next day but mid afternoon he started feeding and is now a pro :) He generally wants feeding every 60-90 mins tho atm, a theory is that as he's such a good weight for gestation (8lb 9.5 oz at 39+3) he's trying to make my milk come in quicker by feeding more often. My poor boobs lol.....blistered nipples...owie! The first night home he screamed like a banshee all night....not fun at all but last night he seemed to wake every 60-90 mins for a feed (feeding for about 10-20 mins a time) then he'd settle back down for another 60-90 mins so at least it was a bit predictable

He's so gorgeous :) He's beautiful and cuddly and adorable. His siblings adore him :) He seems to spend all his time feeding and sleeping.....such a hard life *L*

Al l in all from first pain to birth was 3hr 45 mins with no build up or pre-labour warning.

The Preschooler was born at 1.25pm on the 15^{th April 2010.} He was registered the next day by The Husband as there is a small regisery office in the hospital. We usually do it together but it would have meant leaving him on his on in a busy ward.

He's now 3yrs 11 months and he's finally in the process of weaning from the breast.

Siblings

The Preschooler: 'Am I your best friend?'

Thing Two: 'I keep telling you.  I don't have a best friend' [arms crossed over her chest.  Glowering]

The Preschooler: 'Well, do you still like me?' [wide eyed and sad]

Thing Two: 'Yes' [Said in the tone one would expect to accompany the phrase 'I hate you']

The Preschooler: [Sighs, looks at me imploringly then back to Thing Two] 'Why are you so grumpy then?'

Better late then never....

Ah i believe I promised you all an actual update, did I not? Well here you are my lovelies.

As you have probably correctly guessed we are now a family of five. Pregnancy was unfortunately the hardest yet with back pain and spd so severe I was near housebound for four months other then frequent trips to fat camp for naughty blood pressure. Oh the joys.

Oh and along the journey I also managed to 'sack' one awful midwife with a phonecall to her superior along the lines of 'do not let that vile woman darken my doorstep ever again' in an i'm a pregnant woman hear me roar moment aka 'fuck with me and i'll sit on you whilst subjecting you to my pregnant ninja hormones'

I suppose at this point a birth story may be in order....those with a penis and without vaginal secretions may want to look away.

A VERY long write up for a very short birth!

So just to recap, on Wednesday 14th I had a hospital antenatal appointment at 39+2 were the doctor agreed to give me an early sweep (I had a bishops score of 9 and was soft and 3-4 cm dilated) I was then sent for a BP profile (they take your BP every 20 mins over 100 mins so there's five readings to compare and so a pattern can be gained, they also put you on a fetal monitor for 20 mins to monitor baby's heart rate and movements and to detect any contractions. They also take PET bloods) as my Bp was once again on the up.

Bloods came back clear, BP sort of settled, it was still high for me but no longer hypertensive. Baby's trace was perfect.

A doctor came and said that due to my immense disability from the spd and spine and my naughty BP they'd have me back in on Friday for a repeat BP profile and another sweep. After that they'd admit me at 9am on Monday 19th (Harris' EDD) for induction (ARM and drip).

Once home I had a clary sage bump rub and as usual spent the evening on my birthing ball bouncing before having a clary sage bath. With my previous sweeps I’d gone into labour within hours so wasn't feeling too hopeful in the evening. As we'd been at hospital all day my mum and brother kindly bought us a takeaway curry (Not to start things off tho, i only had a korma lol) then i had a long soak in a clary sage bath and washed my hair. I'd not had a single cramp, twinge, tickle of even a braxton hicks (i never get braxton hicks in pregnancy). The only thing that happened was i was losing more and more mucus plug throughout the evening and the next morning (all plug, no bloody show)

Morning came and I’m feeling decidedly unlabour-ish and slightly peeved that the sweep hadn't worked.

At 10.40am I was in my Thing One's room with Thing Two putting away some washing (as it was clogging up the cot in my room lol) and I felt a pain, a painful and sudden pain out of nowhere. I discounted it but then a few mins later i got another. I came downstairs and sat on my ball and 'zoned' out trying to establish what i was feeling and more pains came. By 10:20am I’d had about 8-10 intense pains (full on contractions, no niggles or build up cramps) , my bump was going hard and they were coming every 2mins 40 seconds lasting around 50 seconds. At this point I’m in total denial chatting to me bezzy mate online whilst The Husband was mowing the lawn. Due to various ailments I have a warped reaction to pain. Small sudden pains I wibble over but real intense pains i almost step around and outside of if that makes any sense. I decided I’d have a bath and take two paracetamol so up stairs i go, bath running, dh is with the washing machine repair guy and I’m bent over the sink in tears. Yes tears. I couldn't deny it any longer these pains were hard, fast and crippling.

The Husband comes up the stairs takes one look at me, pulls the plug on the bath and gets my bags ready to call an ambulance, it's only about an hour after the very first pain and I’m near rigid with pain and unable to stop crying. I insisted we wait for my parents first as they were due to have Thing Two that day anyway and were on their way. I try to call the hospital but the 24 hour maternity phone number............had nobody answering it! Cue more panic. I tried calling about 5 times.

Once The Parents were here (obviously The Mother had to finish doing her hair first) I’m trying hard to block out the pain and remain composed, i don't 'do' company when I’m in pain, I have to seclude myself in my own space so it wasn't helping with my mum flitting around me, i know she just wanted to help but it was having the opposite effect.

The ambulance took about 20 mins to get here. I waited at the top of the road as i was insistent I’d not let them put me on one of those chairs they strap you in. Imagine my horror when about 20 mins after phoning for one....a rapid response car turns up?!?! ARGH! a car!  The bloke see's I’m clearly in labour (well duh, I did tell them) and looks a bit worried when told that even before labour I was 3-4 cm dilated...oops. My mum is stood there rubbing my back which is driving me up the wall and making me want to slap her but I sucked a breath in and blocked it out because she was trying to deal in her own way of seeing her daughter in pain and she thought she was helping. The Husband and I get in the ambulance and the paramedic starts asking questions. I'm quiet....just like with my other two people mistake the composure for lack of pain when in fact it's the opposite. The paramedic notices the tension in my face and the silent tears still streaming down my face and the lights and siren go on and he finally offers me entinox, yay!!!!! I'm hammering the entinox like there's no tomorrow because for that brief blissful minute when you're hammering it, everything goes furry round the edges and details fade and you can 'escape' especially as I close my eyes and just concentrate on breathing it in and breathing out. The contractions were on top of each other and I remember saying to The Husband 'I’m really sorry but please don't talk to me because you don't even exist to me right now'

It seemed to take forever to get to hospital and when the ambulance parks up I turn to The Husband  and apparently said 'f**k, I’m stoned!'. There were no wheelchairs but I insisted I’d walk whilst hubby carries the Entinox canister under his arm and I’m shown into the first delivery room.

Bliss Entinox on tap...it comes straight out the wall! I ask for diamorphine.... the mw chuckles and thinks’ I’m joking. The paramedic said to the mw ‘do you have some entinox I have to take this back to the ambulance’ to which the mw replied something along the lines of ‘er..yeah we have some, what with us being a labour ward’ and then pulled a tube out of the wall where it was ‘on tap’ . Genius!

My BP is high, an internal shows I’m 7cm and baby is 'very low' ..... this time i get my diamorphine when i re-ask! ...'if you get me diamorphine i will marry you' ... 'are you sure you want some?' .. 'YES'.. That’s why I blooming asked...twice. duh.

Upon finding out I’d not eaten since the night before the mw sends The Husband on a mission to get me a non-fizzy energy drink, he comes back with raspberry sport lucozade, a giant cookie and a large bakewell tart.... thoughtful? Very,  but I’m in agony, my world revolves around the blissful furry blackness of entinox, the last thing in the world I want is food! Fools!

Everytime a contraction ends and I’m coming down off the G&A my voice croaks and I get the compulsion to talk...a lot....and I feel like jack Dee on stage.

My BP should be settling however it's not...it's increasing and when diastolic was 113 they seek a dr who tells them to medicate me to try and bring it down. However, baby's trace is perfect, he's apparently very happy and kicks me a few times to prove it, I didn't expect him to kick in labour so was surreally amused!

The Husband was wearing a bandana/cap head thing and I allegedly turned to him and said in an acerbic tone 'do you think you're some kind of effin' surgeon with that stupid thing on your head or what?'

They need to test my pee ( have already stolen my blood) and I’m desperate for a pee but know there is no way in hell I could walk to the loo, the pain is too fast and intense so shame of shame...she gets a bedpan, I feel like a geriatric.... she puts it on the chair but i can't physically get off the bed so she puts it under and I can't effin' pee! He was resting that low so she had to use a catheter (nooooooo! i don't want it!) I was later told there was very significant amounts of protein in my wee .

As my BP is not behaving (i'm hooked up to a cuff throughout and it takes readings automatically on a timer) a dr tells the mw to break my waters....she examines me and I’m already 10cm, probably had been for ages hence why i couldn't move/wee/think. She breaks the waters and suddenly she's calling out for more people in the room with phrases like 'thick as gravy' being thrown around (I later learned this was grade III meconium, the worst kind) Whilst this is happening I get a contraction and i hear a voice...that's apparently mine whimpering this confused and pained 'oh? oooh?' not understanding as I feel my body working without my consensus, without any effort or action by me I  could feel him sliding down, the midwife literally blinked, turned back and shouted 'heads coming!' I was already 'panting' on the G&A as she's saying ...'yes...control it...short breaths' i felt like shouting 'I’m not doing anything! I’m not pushing! I don't even know why I’m panting before being told to' no sooner as she'd said heads coming, it was out and his body followed straight after. There was no bearing down or conscious effort...it was like the waters were the only thing stopping him falling out and once they went he slid out....I just felt this weird descending feeling followed by a ‘flop’ as he sped out.

I'm was shaking...absolute 'shock' shaking, I couldn't genuinely comprehend how in 5 short mins I was declared 10cm, waters were broken and baby is screaming and slithering on my tummy covered in slime, blood, vernix and LOTs of thick brown glooopy mucus meconimum...I’m petrified by my own confusion.... I didn't even try and push...how is he here?! " huh? how did that happen?' i meeped to the mw's....they were too busy to reply!

APGAR @ 1 min was 9
@ 5 mins it was 6.....

One min i'm getting my head round the fact my baby is here and the next they're taking him away from me........Not just away from me but out of the room.

According to the notes whilst away he had: Tracheal suction, vocal chords visualised, mask and valve ventilation and tactile stimulation.

Whilst he was away the mw found i had a 1cm 1st degree tear and put three stitches in whilst i puffed on G&A (she said to use a local anaesthetic it would just be even more needles for me to feel lol) I was still shaking with this bemused and blank expression on my face (I have a pic to illustrate this but no, i aint posting it lol) , my teeth were clattering with shivers and shakes against the mouthpiece of the G&A, i don’t think i’ve ever been that close to being in actual ‘shock’ before. Oh and just to add to it tey found a 'lump' down there and had to call a doc in but she thinks it's just a cyst.

Once he was back with me they let us have ages of time alone. It was like this with my first but with my second i was shunted into a bath and up to a room on the ward before i could do/say anything getting virtually no skin to skin. Eventually I felt ready to have a shower after demolishing the giant cookie and falling utterly in love with my beautiful boy and came back from the shower to a pile of toast, i couldn't stop eating and tbh am still eating like a pig three days later!

I got my own room on the ward (free too for medical grounds ...i.e mental health )which was a massive worry off of my mind....i get freaked out in social situations. However, it had it's own shower, bidet and sink but...........no toilet!? I had to trundle down the corridor every time i wanted a wee lol. Food was teeeeeeeeeeny portions so dh kept me in stash of yummies lol.

I didn’t sleep the first night or various reasons...too high on adrenaline? Couldn’t figure out how to turn the light off, noisy bints on the ward next door, the door bell of the ward constantly going off and woman constantly pressing their buzzers.....all night long. The headboard thing was too stiff to move, the pillows were horrid and i knew if i laid down i’d bleed heavier and it was a long walk to the loo’s to c lean up if that happened!

The ‘Patient line’ tv/phone/internet thing was a waste of money. The internet wouldn’t open babycentre and wouldn’t load facebook! I wanted to watch greys anatomy but it didn’t have living channel on it. So waste of a fiver really!

My parents brought my ds and dd to visit the evening after he was born, they are besotted with him J

My BP was monitored closely on the ward as were Harris' obs. He has plasters on both feet and on his hand as they had to take blood from him four times :( At first he had my rhesus antibodies in his blood, then he didn't, then they thought he had ABO incompatibility (I’m O- he's A+) an his bilibrum (sp?) levels were checked a fair few times too. He wasn't at all interested in feeding and all he wanted to do was sleep and spit up mucus (just like my other two) I was panicking that the lack of feeding and the blood stuff would keep us in hospital longer (this happened with dd) but the mw's were fab and agreed that he was probably too full of mucus, tired from the birth and doped up from my diamorphine to feed, that he would when he was ready and that as I’ve bf before they agreed i know what i was doing and they'd leave me to it :)

He filled about 3-4 nasty nappies in hospital (has done about 8 meconium filled nappies in three days...grim) but doesn't seem to be a big wee'er yet. Was getting worried about his feeding (or lack of) the next day but mid afternoon he started feeding and is now a pro :) He generally wants feeding every 60-90 mins tho atm, a theory is that as he's such a good weight for gestation (8lb 9.5 oz at 39+3) he's trying to make my milk come in quicker by feeding more often. My poor boobs lol.....blistered nipples...owie! The first night home he screamed like a banshee all night....not fun at all but last night he seemed to wake every 60-90 mins for a feed (feeding for about 10-20 mins a time) then he'd settle back down for another 60-90 mins so at least it was a bit predictable

He's so gorgeous :) He's beautiful and cuddly and adorable. His siblings adore him :) He seems to spend all his time feeding and sleeping.....such a hard life *L*

Al l in all from first pain to birth was 3hr 45 mins with no build up or pre-labour warning.

The Preschooler was born at 1.25pm on the 15^{th April 2010.} He was registered the next day by The Husband as there is a small regisery office in the hospital. We usually do it together but it would have meant leaving him on his on in a busy ward.

He's now 3yrs 11 months and he's finally in the process of weaning from the breast.