The Husband was wearing his rib cage wife beater a la Nigel Tufnel.

Thing Two: 'What's that on your T-shirt?'
The Husband: 'You know what it is'
Thing Two: [nonchalantly]'No I don't.  I forgot'
The Husband: 'It's a skeleton'
Thing Two: [Dean Pan]'hmmm.  I thought it was a rib cage...'

The Husband: 0
Thing Two: 1

Queen Thing Two

This is Thing Two.  This is how she alleviates her boredom.  She was feeling rather royal and donned a tiara and painted her face in makeup to look like a flag, apparently.  Must admit, I have no idea what the extra eyes were all about.......

She looks like a messy vampire....

Play & Dough.

So due to the despicable weather The Husband finally decided to tackle the jungle of a back garden with the lawnmower, our pensioner of a dog is now rather grateful that he can walk across the garden instead of having to leap and bound over the length of the grass.

Thing Two was absolutely ecstatic that she could go out in the garden again (it's either like a bog out there or a sun trap, neither ideal) and spent literally all her time after school bar coming in for tea out there playing and then we had tears and sulks at bath time because over three hours simply wasn't long enough to play outside and be satisfied.

Even The Dog was in a playful mindset and had a quick game of fetch and pull the rope.

The garden still isn't quite safe completely for The Toddler and due to the disgusting heat, far too hot for him so I got out the play dough I made the other week and he adored it.  Unfortunately he didn't quite agree with the concept of sharing and thus shrieked like a girl every time Thing Two tried to use any of the cookie cutter and the sight of him armed with my rolling pin was actually quite alarming, so we thought it best not to irk him too much, just in case he got violent.

However Thing Two did manage to stay in long enough to have a brief play with the play dough and surprised me by doing this for me.  She really is a little darling, sometimes.   The Toddler came up with some game that required his utmost concentration and kept him occupied for such a long time, he basically had me make small balls and splotches of play dough to which he gathered and planted on his large blob of play dough, The Husband took over when Thing Two bleated about needing me out with her to play football and the like in the garden.

Love letters from a daughter

The other night, whilst all the children were asleep I wrote Thing One and Thing Two a note.  At school the next day, Thing Two wrote me a reply.....

 

 

 

Daddy wears too

Taking advantage of the lack of rain yesterday, The Toddler and accompanied The Husband with Thing One and Thing Two on the school run today then did the two mile round trip for some shopping only to have to set out yet again to deliver Thing Two's packed lunch to school seeing as we had run out of bread pre-shopping, oops.  Although the thought of Thing Two professing that she has no lunch as 'we have no food' is amusing in a mortifying sort of way. Due to a sore shoulder resultant of contorted positions whilst feeding the toddler all night long The Husband wore The Toddler for a nice change whilst I annoyed him greatly by insisting on taking lots of pictures.






I made some sweet and salty peanut biscuits today despite the fact that none of us actually like nutty biscuits, yet the desire to bake them was there all the same despite The Husbands growing frustration at all the extra pots it creates for him to wash, I do fear he's becoming a tad exasperated in a way. However, The Grandparents were very grateful when I palmed the biscuits off on them. gifted the biscuits to them.



Thing Two had his Special Day with The Grandparents yesterday and I received a phone call from The Mother o'mine to ask if he could possibly have anything else to eat as he was awfully hungry despite having two burgers, four chicken nuggets, fries, a chocolate cake, fruit bag and a pack of Rolo's knowing that he has hollow legs and we limit what he eats as he really would eat and eat and eat.  I asked to speak to Thing One and when I gently told him he'd had more then enough (far more then I'd ever have allowed) he proceeded to burst into tears wailing down the phone line 'i'm so so hungry mum!' gulp.  I swear that child has hollow legs.  They match his sometimes vacuous brain at times, take for instance him losing his book bag (again).

Thing Two came out of school with four, yes four, stickers taped to her dress and two prizes.  Apparently she wrote two awfully good stories and even had to go into the nursery class and a year 2 class (she's in Reception) to show other teachers and have them read them out in front of their classes.

After a 6 months drought in reading which is quite extraordinary for me seeing as I usually average 80-150 books a year (yes books, I like real paper books) I finally have found my reading mojo and have read two and a half novels in as many days.  I don't know if I should be amused or ashamed that it's the notoriously popular '50 shades of grey' trilogy that has broke the literary starvation.

Easy Peasy Play Dough

It really is easy peasy and so much nicer then the stuff you buy.  All you need is:

• 1 cup of plain flour
• 1/2 cup salt
• 1 tablespoon of cream of tartar
• 1 tablespoon of oil
• 2 fruit teabags (or food dye)
• 1 cup of hot water

First add your teabags to the cup of boiling water, you'll need to leave for 4-5 minutes to get a rich colour, I'm impatient though so mine only got a pink tinge.  You can use food dye instead (add to the water) however, the teabags smell divine! Also add the tablespoon of oil.  I used vegetable oil, you can use any oil.  Baby oil gives it a nice smell on your hands when you're playing with it.

In a bowl add the dry ingredients together.


Add the coloured water to the dry ingredients and start mixing

 It will be quite sticky and sloppy at first.

Keep mixing and it will firm up, if it doesn't seem to be turning you can add a little more flour until it does.

Play!

 
 
Keep in a self-seal bag or airtight container and it lasts for quite a long time.  If the air gets to it and it feels a little crunchy just soften it in your hands with some more oil.

Crocodiles & Princess'

This week Thing Two is having her special day at The Grandparents today rather then her usual Tuesday due to The Mother having an appointment at Christies tomorrow.  I love how Thing Two always phones me when she gets there for a chat and to let me know she's arrived safely.  No doubt when I do the ritual emptying of her book bag I'll find notes and pictures to me.  She really is absurdly lovely when she wants to be.  I have a treasure trove of notelets and  things from her, it tickles my heart to know that even whilst having fun at school she still thinks about me and whilst she's at school, a mere glance at the fridge to her gifts, and it brings a smile to my lips.

I asked her over the phone what she did at school today...

Me: 'what did you do at school today?'
Thing Two: 'Played a game called princess' and crocodiles'
Me: 'Were you a princess?'
Thing Two: 'No, I was a crocodile who ate the princesses'

 

The Husband has been drafted by a rather bereft looking Thing One to play Kirby, The Toddler is licking farmers and throwing g's over the gate and me? .... should really think about feeding them all soon.  Oh to have a personal chef.

Thing Two

It's often hard for me to believe that the same little girl who drew a picture for Thing One

...of a mangled dead body

Is the same little girl who picked these for me and put them in a glass of water

Girlie Time

So Wednesday's are Thing One's special day and Thing Two gets some girlie time with me (or she did once The Husband returned to take charge of The Toddler) After making double chocolate cookies she requested Lego and then pleaded for her makeup that she got for Christmas. 


We have strict rules about her makeup, she's only allowed it occasionally, only in the house and usually near to bath time so it can be washed straight off.  She absolutely adores it even if she did originally insist that eyeshadow goes on her eyebrows......the brighter the colours the better, especially to clash compliment  her princess dresses.  I remember having makeup as a child, The Mother confiscated it as myself and another friend may have covered another friend in it...including nail polish in her navel.  oops.

School and girlie time is obviously exhausting as despite coughing all night she slept rather soundly...

of being 5 with an imagination.

Thing Two has an extraordinarily super imagination. She is a dab hand at drawing, stories, making things, lego, song lyrics etc, incredibly creative and yet ruthlessly analytical at times leaning towards being a pedant.

However, there is a dark side to imagination. Although she has her fair share of bad dreams the biggest issue is that which prevents sleep in the first place 'bad thoughts' which all sounds awfully ominous with a side order of sinister.  Yet if you were to ask The Husband he'd likely describe it rather differently along the lines of 'bloody annoying' for it is he who does Thing One and Thing Two duty each evening and gets the fated 'DAAAAD' hollered, usually within ten minutes of putting the little darlings to bed just as he sits down, exhales, contemplates a can of lager and match of the day.  Whilst laid in bed with The Toddler attached to me doing that age old 'if you even think about reclaiming your boob and getting comfortable I shall wake up and cry, lots' thing I hear the predictable muffled roar of 'pissing hell' followed by The Husband pounding up the stairs in a sublime state of agitation.

Yet, last night The Husband went out to play at a friends house. Five minutes after he left I heard the familiar fog horn 'DAAAAAD' Now, I was in bed with The Toddler who'd been feeding to sleep for twenty minutes and although dozing he was still at that semi aware point where if I was to sneak my boob away he'd snuffle blindly and frantically for it threatening to wake up.

I listened keenly to see if Thing Two would cry (she didn't) or choose her usual course of action when The Husband is out which involves creeping across the landing and standing silently outside my door until my mummy radar senses her.

Before she could embark on the latter course of action I heard Thing One pipe up from his bed...

Thing One: 'Dad's gone out'

Thing Two: 'Oh.'

Thing One: 'what's wrong?'

Thing Two: 'I want Dad'

Thing One: 'well he isn't here. Tell me instead'

Thing Two: 'No.'

Thing One: 'Well, you'll have to wake Mum and [The Toddler] then.

Thing Two: (thinks about this and determines that would be a bad idea) 'I had bad thoughts'

Thing One: 'well, try and think about good things like a world made of Mars Bars instead'

After a while all was silent. When The Toddler had eventually given in to deep slumber and allowed me to extricate my boob from his mouth without waking I crept out. I literally get about ten minutes before his 'Mummy has dared to leave me!' Sensor goes off. I love to stand in their doorways and watch Thing One and Thing Two sleep, and asleep they were albeit with Thing. Two doing that eerie eyes half open thing and Thing One was predictably half naked. Only when all three are fast asleep can I exhale.

Lest I forget, just for the record, had Thing Two been in tears or shaken I wouldn't have hesitated in calling her into my room to comfort her and risked the wrath of The Toddler and having to attempt operation #gothefucktosleep all over again (with gritted teeth, a sore shoulder and protesting nipples)

Anyway this morning I asked her what the bad thoughts were last night to which she replied nonchalantly 'oh, we were walking down a road and [The Toddler] fell down a big hole and we couldn't get him out and then a car ran over him and we had to get a new baby' pretty impressive bad thought considering she'd only been in bed 5 minutes when she'd had it. I asked her if cuddles from [Thing One] would have helped yet she  simply retorted 'not really. I don't like it when he breaths'

....

I then inquired as to what she eventually thought about to get to sleep...  'oh, a house made of chocolate that we could eat and it kept growing back'

Oh to be a five year old...