It's not often we do 'Messy Play' for many reasons, most of which include that although I'm an untidy scruffy sod, I don't like actual 'mess' and then  there's the fact the fact that usually I spend longer setting up the activity than The Preschooler actually spends playing with it.  Yet occasionally I'll have one of those masochistic days when life isn't quite shit enough so I'll throw in some mess, or else it will be that god-awful guilt for the poor deprived child who's Mother never really plays anything (and rarely goes out anywhere.

Whilst finally (oh how The Husband rejoiced) sorting through The Craft Cupboard of Doom, dodging things falling on my head and toes and narrowly avoiding a glitter explosion I decided to pack up all the odds and ends of good intentions that never actually happened and donate them to Nursery where they'll actually be used.  Among the debris I found some left over fake snow powder I purchased from the pound shop at Christmas for one doomed project or another.  It's marvellous stuff you get some of the powder, add some water and voila....you have well....snow.  Of a sort.  I'll admit this random genius insanity wasn't entirely born of my own mind, on a Nursery visit, they'd filled a large messy play tray with similar stuff and The Preschooler was itching to investigate.

Seeing as I had nothing remotely appropriate to dispense it into I enrolled the help of a roasting tin, added snow and plonked it on a towel in the lounge seeing as it's considerably warmer than the kitchen and it boasts the comforts of a sofa, laptop and TV for when I'm being boring and not joining in.  The Preschooler looked at me rather suspiciously and I can't honestly say I blame him.  However, curiosity of 'what the hell is mum doing now?' won over Ben 10 as he watched guardedly when I stalked towards his dinosaur and people drawer and dumped that next to him too.  I filled the stunned silence with a brief explanation that I thought the dinosaurs may want to play in the snow.

Oh how they did indeed.  I've not seen The Preschooler so engrossed in something sensory for as long

as I can remember.  Once all the dinosaurs were thoroughly exhausted from fraternising in the snow scene turned into Pontypandy and the adventures of the naughty penguin.  This basically involved a naughty penguin  who insisted on burying all the residents of Pontypandy alive, in the snow, then jumping on their faces for good measure.  That is until the rescue helicopter arrived to attempt a rescue.  Even Bob and friends joined in with a cameo appearance from Dora.

Thing Two was terribly annoyed that when she came home from school, all that was left was a baking tray of slush.

The Preschooler has been begging for more snow ever since yet it was only an appealing purchase in the first place due to the price.  Looks like I'll have to be researching the cost of it in bulk.

It's not often we do this kind of thing yet be it shaving foam play, cloud dough or rainbow price it strikes me that there is something blatantly missing each time that would make these things so much more durable and accessible, especially when Thing Two wants in on the action too and that would be a large messy play tray such as this.  However like most things that would necessitate the expenditure of money, an activity I rather enjoy partaking in however, lack of funds (as always) prohibits this.

The only downside of this little triste with mess was, predictably, the clean up.  When the snow becomes slush, it's near gelatinous and clings to the toys.  They don't just need wiping they need a proper good wash, behind Norman Prices ears and everything.  If you try a simple dunk and dry you'll find a gooey substance clinging to the surface of the water and attempting to devour your hands.

Pavement paint

Having seen the term 'Sidewalk paint' bandied about the internet or a while now, I finally found myself   sinking low enough in sanity to actually make the stuff.

You'll find oodles of recipes online for this stuff that all seem to spin off of the same basic ingredients:

* Cornflour (I used one cup)
* Water (I used one cup)
* food colouring (I had some red, yellow and blue so just made various shades through mixing these)

* Bun tray

Piece of piss, you just add the cornflour and water together, decant into a bun tray then add drops of food colouring to each one.

Voila.  Now stand back and admire all the pretty colours (then grimace at your stained hands if you're even half as cackhanded as me)

Let loose your Spawn.

Pro's:

* It's cheap
* Uses ingredients that most o us have in our store cupboard or else are very easily attainable.
* It's washable, you can hose down the pavement afterwards and it'll all disappear or if you're lazy like me, just wait or it to rain.
* As it's an outdoor activity, your kitchen is saved from desecration.

Cons: 

* Yellow food colouring makes your nails look like you smoke 100 a day.  Grim.
* If you let a 3 year old and a 6 year old play at the same time with it, the three year old will mix all the colours up and the 6 year old will get pissed off at this. doh!

The catastrophic delight of mess.

Whilst attempting to distract Thing Two from The Wobbly Tooth (prior to it's removal) and with Thing One out on a mission with The Husband I swallowed by better judgement and decided to to messy play, for the second day in the row.  My masochism apparently has no limits.

First on todays list was to attempt bubble dough.  Easy peasy two ingredients.  You literally need cornflour and washing up liquid (or any liquid soap will do)  You squirt the soap and add cornflour combining them until you get a dough like substance.  The beauty of it is it looks gooey, only it isn't.  Tremendously strange!  It's squishy yet smooth, stretchy yet easily breaks too.  I can only liken it to bubblegum. However, in typical craft inept style, ours didn't quite appear as it did on the link, it seemed too sticky then too brittle and so we cast it aside with the vague idea of experimenting with different quantities another day.  At least it smells nice.




Feeling a trifle disappointed at that experiment, with two eager beavers expecting something fun, I held my breath and got the paints out, stood aside, thinking of Gin.  Lots of Gin. With Gin on top.

One of the problems with trying to teach The Toddler to use both sides of a sheet of paper is that it's rather difficult to then retract that rule, cue The Toddler trying to paint on both sides of the paper, although we must commend his frugal and earth friendly gesture, I can't say my twitching mentality was awfully thrilled with it.

Finding a momentary lapse in their enthusiasm, I seized the moment and ruthlessly cleared the paints away. I didn't hide the rest of the blank paper, honest.

I can only explain our final messy activity of the day as a momentary lapse in judgement, also known as temporarily being out of my bloody mind. Whatever possessed me, I do not know.

Sensory messy play with shaving foam.  Trying to be lazy and smart at the same time, I sloppily envisaged covering a roasting tray with cling film in order to minimise clean up.  I should have known this would have been utterly and totally futile.  Trust me, you really ought not to bother.  This will be messy.  Accept it.  Take your medication and remember, it will be bedtime soon.

So we filled the roasting tin with shaving foam then sprinkled food colouring onto it and let Thing Two and The Toddler have a jolly good time mixing it all up swirling the colours together through this alien substance they'd not encountered before.

That was just stage one of this stimuli.  I kidnapped some of The Toddlers dinosaurs and much to their astonishment unceremoniously dumped the unsuspecting buggers into the colourful foamy mess. The Spawn stopped, stared and contemplated just how out of my mind I had become and to exactly what depth of crazy I was inhabiting. Can you tell the poor deprived gitlings don't get to partake in spontaneous messy play often?  With trepidation at first they poked at the mess with their hands and seeing that I seem to have momentarily restrained myself and bound my better judgement they dived in with gusto relishing the sensations.  So imagine their delight when I then had the ridiculous idea of filling a bowl with water to allow them to wash the dinosaurs, turning the bowl of water into a sloppy murky foam infested mess that they could then blindly fish around for the dinosaurs only to transfer them back into the foam pit.  Oodles of fun.  It was some new kind of wonderful watching their inhibitions melt away as they became consumed by play.  I even managed not to growl or snarl (too much) when things went incredibly slippy, sploshy and splashy all over the pissing floor. Gah.  I think my palms still bare the crescent marks of my nails.

This is an activity I would definitely never ever even contemplate attempting this with all three spawn. There is simply not enough sedatives in the world to ever enable me to allow that to happen.

I think i'm safe to assume that this was indeed their favourate activity, they even found glee in being asked to take the dinosaurs to the bathroom and give them a rinse whilst I attempted to salvage the kitchen and not for the first time that day pondered taking up smoking again.

All for the bargain price of 59p for the shaving foam.

I knew my sanity was worthless, but 59p? really?

Cloud Dough

Very rarely, I'll get most overcome with that awful mothers guilt thing and randomly decide to do something somewhat different with the little cretins, who usually are bloody good at just playing.  Unlike me, I'm crap at playing (unless it involves dressing up, as an elf. Oh do behave! not in the bedroom) and despite being a domestic slattern of the first degree, I'm actually desperately squiffy at the thought of messy play.

It's even a rare event to get paints out here, they have free access to pens and crayons etc but paint is an entirely different ball game, especially as The Toddler appears to lose interest after five minutes anyway.

So, at some point today I lost the threads of my fraying sanity and decided to make some 'cloud dough', i'm sure if you have a lunchtime fling with Google you'll be inunindated with recipes and ideas for this ...erm...stuff.

It's terribly simple to make, at it's most basic you need two ingredients from your store cupboard, flour and oil (any cooking oil will do, even baby oil)

I used 6 cups of flour and 1 cup of oil.  You simply combine them that really is all there is to it.  I told you it was simple.  I added some yellow food colouring with some perverse nod to to the weather, thinking we'd have our own beach play despite the snow and ice outside.

It will look like a rather lumpy dough, not to worry, this is exactly how it's supposed to look.  No really.  I'm absolutely not shitting you.

However, when you touch it (unfortunately a necessity. Balls.) it has the feel of wet sand, if it wasn't for the fact it gets under my nails and into my jewelry the texture would have been delightfully cathartic to play with)  The Toddler found it fiendishly exquisite or at least he did after I managed to encourage him to not be a wuss like me and do away with the spoon.

With the aid of a pot it was sand castle time!  He remained rather conservative with his efforts at first, yet soon lost all sense of reservation and it was cloud dough everywhere, and I mean everywhere.  This alien creation in our abode was so enticing that even Thing Two begged to play

I was decidedly impressed with the longevity of it's attention holding spell, it was nigh bewitching to them, which almost made it worth while.  Yes, almost   Remember me saying it was messy?  That was a horrific understatement, the bloody stuff gets everywhere.  I even found the wretched stuff on my jeans clad arse.  How? Clothes, floor you name it it had been utterly cloud doughed.  Thing Two tried to escape for a wee, treading it all over the carpet en route.  Argh.  What a catastrophe.  It was even in The Toddlers eyebrows.  So operation clean up involved stripping them both down and me sweeping and wiping whilst it seemed to breed and multiply before my very eyes with The Toddler helpfully singing 'clean up, clean up, everybody clean up!' only everybody wasn't cleaning up, just me. Finally an  impromptu bath, sometimes it really is the easiest option.

Did they love it? absolutely.  Was it easy to make? Ridiculously so.  Cheap? cheap as chips. Would I make it again?  Are you shitting me? Maybe once a year, with them in the nud, outside, at someone elses house.  Possibly.

I think in future a little more planning may be a good idea, perhaps one for summer and the garden.  That's the entirety of my creative maternal inspiration exhausted for another few months now.  Even i'm not masochistic enough to do messy play routinely, afterall that's what The Grandparents and (eventually) Nursery are for, right? 

Dead Dollies

Thing Two arrived home from school on Friday with a special friend to stay the weekend, Tigger.  This is the third time he's stayed over at our house.  He gets given out to members of her class who have done well at school and he comes with his own overnight backpack with a bedtime story, pj's and a diary that I have to write in from his point of view.  Unfortunately Thing Two is 5 going on 40 so isn't easily charmed by a soft toy so the most fun he's had is a whirl in the washing machine as he was looking dreadfully grubby.  Occasionally she'll humour us grownups and pretend to be 5 and act accordingly.

Feeling brave I embarked on a half hour walk sans The Husband with all three kids after school.  The elder two were on their scooters and The Toddler as usual was on my back in the sling.  Surprisingly my anxiety levels didn't tip me over the edge.  Unfortunately we had to come home however as the sky threatened to leak on us.


The Toddler was somewhat unfortunate in his antics on Friday and ended up being the injured little soldier.  Seemingly unable to get off of the bed the usual safe and dare I say normal way he instead decided to participate in a decidedly trickier route which resulted with him cutting the inside of his lip.  Having not learned caution from that he later hurt his wee cheek whilst stacking and climbing on a multitude of toys, that toddler really is part monkey and part mountain goat.

The Husband barely escaped the doghouse when he received a phone call from somewhere he'd been that day informing him they'd found his wallet.  You know, his wallet that he hadn't even realised he'd lost.  the same wallet that happened to have an irreplaceable ninety pounds within it which is needed for a bill.  Gods only know why he took the money out with him in the first place yet by some cosmic magical alignment the money is still in the wallet and he shall be picking it up quick sharp on Monday. The Husband and money is about as disastrous as The Husband and electrical items.

The Toddler was lovingly playing with Thing Two's dolls yesterday and even went so far as to make them something to eat from his play kitchen and then tucked them in the pram saying 'shhhh night night' It was decidedly charming to witness, until five minutes later he squealed with wild abandonment and utter delight as he slung them one by one across the floor.  He's definitely related to Thing Two though she prefers to run them over.

Thing One made us immensely proud Friday after school.  Whilst playing outside with some newly acquired friends we happened to glance out the window to check all is well only to witness him riding a two wheel bike without stabilisers! My word! We bought him a bike last year yet due to weather he only had two attempts to ride it on a field with The Husband neither of which were remotely successful so what an unexpected surprise to see him learning on his own!

The Toddler is still tremendously obsessed with phone,s everything any anything is a phone, books, building bricks, pots, horses, dolls and of course not to forget actual phones.  Every time the house phone rings (which isn't often being the Misanthropic gits that we are) he dashes over towards it jubilantly shouting 'Nanna!" Nanna!' and picks up his own phone and commences to say 'hewwo, yes, yes, no, no, bye bye!'






and finally before I bore you utterly to tears another update on Thing Two's melon pot..

Crocodiles & Princess'

This week Thing Two is having her special day at The Grandparents today rather then her usual Tuesday due to The Mother having an appointment at Christies tomorrow.  I love how Thing Two always phones me when she gets there for a chat and to let me know she's arrived safely.  No doubt when I do the ritual emptying of her book bag I'll find notes and pictures to me.  She really is absurdly lovely when she wants to be.  I have a treasure trove of notelets and  things from her, it tickles my heart to know that even whilst having fun at school she still thinks about me and whilst she's at school, a mere glance at the fridge to her gifts, and it brings a smile to my lips.

I asked her over the phone what she did at school today...

Me: 'what did you do at school today?'
Thing Two: 'Played a game called princess' and crocodiles'
Me: 'Were you a princess?'
Thing Two: 'No, I was a crocodile who ate the princesses'

 

The Husband has been drafted by a rather bereft looking Thing One to play Kirby, The Toddler is licking farmers and throwing g's over the gate and me? .... should really think about feeding them all soon.  Oh to have a personal chef.

Girlie Time

So Wednesday's are Thing One's special day and Thing Two gets some girlie time with me (or she did once The Husband returned to take charge of The Toddler) After making double chocolate cookies she requested Lego and then pleaded for her makeup that she got for Christmas. 


We have strict rules about her makeup, she's only allowed it occasionally, only in the house and usually near to bath time so it can be washed straight off.  She absolutely adores it even if she did originally insist that eyeshadow goes on her eyebrows......the brighter the colours the better, especially to clash compliment  her princess dresses.  I remember having makeup as a child, The Mother confiscated it as myself and another friend may have covered another friend in it...including nail polish in her navel.  oops.

School and girlie time is obviously exhausting as despite coughing all night she slept rather soundly...

If it aint broke, don't fix it

I was in the midst of a good old rambling post, The Husband and Thing One had gone on an expedition and I'd promised Thing Two that we could bake.  She was looking quite forlorn as I happily typed away so in a moment of good ole Mummy guilt I saved as a draft and went into the kitchen to find the Jammie Dodgers recipe that we have baked many a time and love.  I have this habit of scrawling recipes on the backs of random envelopes and scraps of paper, without titles, and bunging them in the baking cupboard, I glanced through every last one and the recipe wasn't there.  Not to worry, I have it bookmarked online.  I should have took this as an Omen really and just left them to happily watch TV but no, onwards I went only to find dear Virgin has let me down, there was no Internet.  yes, no Internet. Oh. My God. Cue palpitations.  I swear there's more Internet then blood in my veins.  I kept pressing refresh like some maniac, I fiddled with the modem, I closed and reopened my browser and even rebooted the computer.  No Internet at all. Gah!.

Meanwhile, The Toddler is practising his latest 'game' of opening the door, escaping through the gap in the gate, going up the stairs at full speed, legging it to the bathroom and slamming the door.  This happened about ten times, I kid you not.  I'm dreaming of a cigarette, I haven't had one in nearly 9 years.

Plan two.  It's one thing doing sod all but quite another when you promised to do something.  So in a moment of what I can only describe as sheer madness when I lost all sense of judgement I emptied a large book tub and filled it with water, bubbles and red food dye.  I placed said tub on towels in the kitchen and dumped some toys in it then let in the kinders.  In another senile moment I thought I'd raid the skanky wheel barrow in the garden for the sand/water toys that had been festering there over the Winter, only to find The Toddler had opened the back door and was dancing on the pavement behind me.  The garden isn't child friendly at the moment so I grabbed him, tucked him under my arm and continued poking through the infestation of rank toys with him having a full blown tantrum under my arm.  I'm dreaming of Vodka, a bottle of, I haven't had alcohol in 2years and 9 months.

Once inside I lock the back door and place the toddler down.  Thing Two is in seventh heaven with the water play, has stripped half her kit off and is playing wondrously.  The Toddler decides to be an absolute pain in the arse and attempts to go through all the kitchen cupboards, mess around with the washing machine, put MaCabre on the stereo and commence headbanging whilst clambering up and down a chair with wet feet. ARGH.  Occasionally he'd wander to the water and have a play and then back to feats of amazing danger again.  Eventually I had to out my middle name of 'Kill Joy' and put an end to it before he skidded across the floor and cracked his head open.

I felt a tad guilty.  Thing Two had been having fun.  So yet another bad idea, I empty and dry the tub and dump all of The Toddlers rainbow rice in there, something he absolutely adores and spends ages entranced by it.  Apparently that is reserved for when he's a) on his own b) secured in his high chair with the rice in a tin on the table in front of him.  Once again, Thing Two is ecstatic and playing happily yet The Toddler inbetween screaming at her for daring to play with his rice, decides to fill the tub with dinosaurs so Thing One can't get to the rice and to top it off attempts a tug of war with me with the full intention of emptying rainbow rice all over the lounge. Don't think so buddy. I remove the rice and in retaliation The Toddler removes his nappy. His favourite thing at the moment is weeing, specifically weeing on things, purposefully.  So I hear the shrill call of Thing Two to tell me that The Toddler is peeing on her blanket. Great.  No really, fanbloodytastic.  He looks incredibly pleased, me? Not so pleased.

It doesn't stop here.  Thing Two goes up to the loo only she didn't quite make it and despite being dry for several years she wee's her knickers as she walks up the stairs.  This wasn't no puddle, this was a full on 10 gallon flood all the way up the stairs.  So whilst reassuring her it's no biggee, accidents happen I ask her to simply put some dry knicks on and get The Toddler a nappy, whilst I set about scrubbing the stairs.  I'm wondering how much of my Zoloft I have left.

Then a huge meltdown tantrum ensues as I dare to attempt to put  nappy and then trousers (to prevent him taking said nappy off) on him.

Finally, I take him to the sofa, snuggle up and he feeds (and feeds and feeds and feeds) and calm is eventually restored.

For now.

I'm now dreaming of an asylum stay.

The moral of this story? If the kids are happy pottering about, playing with toys and watching the TV, don't ever ever ever try and change that. Ever.

Oh and that blog entry I saved earlier? didn't actually save. 

Is it tomorrow yet?