Following on from the seasons song Thing Two composed and performed for me whilst I attempted to pee in peace, she sang it to the whole of her year at school, on her own.  Sometimes her confidence astounds me, it's all situation dependant.  She'll perform like a diva at home, stand in front of 60 children at school and recite her own song yet take her to a restaurant she's never been in before and she turns into some morose limpet.  Her teacher suggested she write a song for Harvest, in typical Thing Two style, she wrote two.  She sang both today to her class and they're going to use one of them in their upcoming class assembly.  She never ceases to amaze me.

Thing One appears to have been undertaking a series of tests at school this past week to which he has no idea as to why they're all doing them or even if let alone when they'll find out the results.  I was initially rather worried that he had a female teacher this year as he tends to respond better to strong male figures yet his new teacher is absolutely adorable and is terribly enthusiastic.  Her niche is literature and she is positively aglow with the fact Thing One is a book worm and is writing fantasy stories and he finds her enthusiasm encouraging.  He;s coming home smiling, with stickers and tales of excitment.

The Toddler generally entertains himself in independent play during the day.  Just watching him mesmerises me.  His games are so in depth and engrossing for him.  He has a million worlds in his head.   He possibly has the strongest imagination in the family.  Today however he decided go involve us and this morning consisted of 10 books, four jigsaws, Peppa Pig, cutting out catalogue pictures to form a Christmas list and yet he still found time to insult me with his insults du jour being 'plank', 'moron' and 'smarty pants'  I'm not quite sure as to whether I should be impressed or insulted.  I'll admit to being greatly proud when whilst reading about potatoes being treated for disease (yes, really) upon the word disease he immediately breaks into an Anthrax rendition of 'Disease! Disease! Spreading the disease!'

I should be asleep, I'm bone tired and soul tired yet insomnia is paying yet another visit.  So i'll leave you with a toddlerism from tonight and one of Thing Two's jokes....

Me: 'Go to sleep!'
The Toddler: 'Do you want to see the mountain on my foot?'
[The Toddler takes his sock of and points to his ankle. He then makes me put the sock back on]
Me: 'Wow, that's a super cool mountain.  Go to sleep now'
The Toddler: 'Do you want to see the mountain on my other foot?'
[rinse, repeat]

Argh!

Thing Two:  There were two brothers called Stupid and Manners.  They were climbing at tree when stupid fell out so he went to the Dr.  The Dr asked him his name he said 'stupid!.' The Doctor said 'don't be rude, where's your manners?'  so Stupid said 'still in the tree'

See what I have to work with?

Talking to girls

No matter how we try to eradicate it it still remains that society primarily views females aesthetically and judges them upon looks so it's no surprise that many young girls question their validity in society due to not fitting the mythical airbrushed norm.

There is nothing worn with telling your daughter that she is pretty.  She is and it's important for her to believe this, however, should her self esteem wander off and she's used to primarily being complimented on physicality she needs to have re-enforced that physicality is just one part of an amazing whole.

Never forget to tell her that she's also brave, strong, quick, witty, agile, creative, intelligent, empathic etc.  That she has many many qualities that make her so perfectly her.  It's also important to emphasise how they make you and others feel, such as loved, proud, happy.  To know that she can positively effect people because of who she is and not what she looks like.

It's natural to compliment how a person looks, it's an instant feel good buzz if someone compliments you.  However, think about what part of her you're aiming to compliment.

For instance, if your child is looking particularly slim, in a healthy way:

Don't  say: 'wow look at you skinny minnie!' even if you're saying it with affection or even with well intended humour, you're essentially sending the message that she is only looking good because she's slim and that she must stay that way, re-enforcing the illusion that to be beautiful you have to be slim.

Instead: Focus on the overall thing she is exuding such as 'you're looking really healthy' or 'you're glowing lately!' This suggests that she as a whole is looking well and happy focusing on the person not the body.

Maybe your older child is experimenting with make-up and despite your better judgement it actually really suits her.

Don't say: 'Is that new make-up? it makes you look stunning' This is suggesting that it is only the make-up that makes her beautiful and that she must therefore need it to be beautiful.

Instead: focus on something particular such as 'I really like that colour lipstick on you' or 'you have such pretty eyes, that colour eye-shadow works well with them' in these examples you complimenting the product yet not insinuating she looks better for wearing it and in the latter example you're placing the emphasis on her eyes, not the eye-shadow.  This way you're sending a message that she improves the make-up not vice versa and that make-up can be fun and interesting yet it's not needed, it doesn't improve her as she's already enough without it.

Never reprimand a girl for not being girly enough or insinuate that she can't do nor be something because she's female.  Never make her feel like she should be doing something or liking something purely because she's a girl.  She is a person, not a gender.  Likewise, never try and purposefully de-feminise her, do not use or mould her to make your own point against gender roles and stereotypes. Both are forms of oppression, despite your liberalising intentions.  In both instances you're impressing upon her what she should and shouldn't be.

A friend just said to me 'when a little girl tells me she is a princess - I always say - 'what is your special power princess'? and they never struggle to tell me ' which I find incredibly empowering.

Despite being close to My Mother, I never truly feel able to confide in her though to be honest I don't confide in anyone as a rule of thumb.  I don't ever remember her explaining periods or sex to me, I just pieced things together from stuff I'd heard and read.  She never knew about my disordered eating nor self harm.  Even now, she has absolutely no idea that I'm on long term medication for depression nor that I've been referred.  I didn't tell her when a few years ago I had a tiny lump on my breast nor when my periods were so erratic with spotting that I feared the worst.  If I argue with The Husband, I never talk to her about it.  Don't get me wrong, It's not her fault.  Not at all.  However, I want Thing Two to feel she can come to me.  I want to be open from the start.  I want to be the one who makes her feel better.  The one who helps her untangle the confusion.  The one who offers the explanations and possible answers to her questions.  I never, ever want her to be as insulated as me, because it's not healthy and even now, I'd sell my soul to feel able to talk, really talk to someone.

I never want to make her feel fat or ugly or not enough.  I never want to make her feel selfish, ungrateful or a burden.

Through relationships both social and romantic, even when her wings have fully grown I want her to feel like should she need me, I'll always be her home.  Should it be to celebrate or commiserate, even if she chooses not to come to me, I'd like her still to feel that she could if she wanted or needed to.

I'll admit, it can be impossible to get her to explain what's upset her at times and I'd be lying if I said this didn't worry me.  Bottling things up isn't healthy nor helpful.  I just have to trust her that if it was something significant enough to need help, she'd tell me.

I want her to believe she can be anything and do anything.

So through honesty and respect and being careful with how we express what we mean I hope that no matter how much life tries to turn her into rubble, that she believes she is a sky scraper.

Hooray for boobies

As a girl I spent the first half of my life wishing for boobs or rather bigger boobs and the second half wanting smaller. It's a no win situation. Many of you may remember my previous posts on the woes of bra shopping or should I say shopping for scaffold.  Gone are the days when I was young slim and a saucy C-D cup with a draw full of underwear delight. Shiny, sexy, colourful pieces of confidence lego.... I had Bras Galore. I could happily go into any department store and let my purse feast on pretties that looked amazing and more importantly made me feel amazing. Underwear shopping was a thrill, a treat.
Nearly five years of breastfeeding and three children later not to mention battling obesity and winning and It's a whole different story. I don't need a bra I need scaffolding, better still....a miracle. I keep telling them jokes with the futile hope that they may actually perk up but to be honest, they are the joke.
If you bear in mind that most 'normal' bras stop at an H then factor in the fact you need nursing bras your choice becomes depressingly limited and you can forget about one of those much needed underwired nursing bra jobbies, its nasty granny bras all the way in white, black or if you're incredibly lucky...... flesh coloured (seriously, Wtf?) All of which give a hilarious unattractive shape (conical....how very 80's) don't forget that you also get The pleasure of paying a fortune for each of these. I resent paying a fortune for a necessity and more so when quite frankly It's fugly and makes you feel more like Madame Doubtfire then a hot mama.
You could have the most amazing outfit in the world yet if you're Bridget Jonesing underneath it, you may as well have your dressing gown on.
Trust me, going braless is not an option. I should require a license for these boulders, I already get black eyes if I contemplate running down the stairs.
So the search is forever on for comfortable, feminine, sexy, supportive bras for us poor sufferers of hugeboobitis that won't leave us weeping in bankruptcy, brownie points if they're actually nursing bras too.
Thankfully there are now several companies who have not only accepted that the average bra size has increased but are actively doing something about it and are stocking gorgeous bras in larger cup sizes, like Bras Galore . Shop in the comfort of your own home, search by size to avoid that spirit crushing moment of finding the bra only to realise it only goes up to a maximum size that is about five cup sizes smaller then what you need. Oh and free delivery too! (Always a factor that sways me when choosing where to shop)
Hopefully The Toddler will self wean within the next 12-18months so I can throw away there skanky vile nursing bras I had the pleasure of forking out way too much money for and finally start to have a draw of fun, sexy, gorgeous Bras Galore again.
Never underestimate the power a well fitting and pretty bra can exert on both your confidence and your figure. Seriously, something like 80% of woman are wearing the wrong size bra. Take a look around next time you are out, if a bra is fitted right a woman's cleavage should not be dusting her knees nor should a woman find it uncomfortable. That well known equation that far too many shops rely on along with a tape measure, if you're well endowed is quite frankly as true to life as rocking horse shit.
The back should not ride upwards, The band not The straps should take the weight and support you, the band should be tight on the loosest setting (yet loose enough to fit two fingers down) so that as the elastic becomes worn you can keep tightening it.  If you can easily pull the band away from your back, its too big! Remember generally if you go down a back size you go up a cup size and if you go up a back size you usually go down a cup size.
Several chains and many independant shops now offer a no measuring fitting service. Seriously, find one and go. You may be amazed. I ended up finding out I was actually four back sizes smaller and 6 cup sizes bigger then What the tape measure and equation had come up with. I instantly had better posture, a better shape, went down a clothes size up top and felt human again.
Having hugeboobitis doesn't have to be misery, we can be proud of them and look awesome too.