Of long hair and assumptions

If ever there's two false assumptions that are made by Joe Public about The Toddler it would be that he is a girl and that he should be at nursery.  The prior based merely upon the fact he happens to have long hair, not anything as extraordinary as him possessing a vagina or anything.  The latter being based purely on the fact he's over three and I shall rant about this in my next blog post.

The Husband has long hair, as in I'm jealous of it , yes...that type of long.  Regardless of beard status he's never been mistaken for a woman (good job, he has crap tits)  The Toddler however, must be a girl because evidently boys simply don't have long hair.  His hair is gorgeous, like spun golden silk and reaches to his mid back.  I'd sell internal organs to have hair like his.  Despite his love of nail polish, makeup, heels and tutu's he's also very stereotypical boyish as well loving the usual cars and fire engines and what have you.  When out and about he is dressed either boyish or gender neutral yet Thing Two who is a girl adores pink, purples, flowers, butterflies and glitter so it's not as if they could label us one of those families that insist on gender neutrality.  I'd like to think it's his devastating beauty that marvels people and skewers their judgement but we've been here before, with Thing One.  He too had long hair until he started school as the thought of glue, paint, food and nits outweighed the pro's of keeping his lustrous locks.  However, we aren't at all offended by it, so what if they think he's a girl, it's usually commented on in a complimentary fashion accompanied by a comment on how beautiful he is, so really, what's to be offended about?  If it's a health official or whatnot we do correct them however, often correcting some random just makes them feel bad all for the sake of a label, and not even a derogatory one at that.  We merely accept the compliment and smile certain that when/if The Toddler wanted to he wouldn't be shy of saying 'I'm not a girl!' something, as of yet, he too hasn't felt the need to interject with.  If that isn't being comfortable in your on skin, what is?  Then we get to My Father, he who was utterly horrified when at Thing Two's birthday, The Toddler took possession of Thing Two's new pink haired doll and has similar distaste when The Toddler chooses to dress up Thing Two's princess dresses, play heels and make-up.  It's as if he takes personal offence at The Toddlers lack of society defined masculinity.  This is the same man who for years has refused to kiss and hug Thing One and insists on just shaking his hand.  Yes, really.  Out in public should anyone dare to refer to The Toddler as a girl, he feels the undying need to immediately correct them in a reprimanding tone, and to what purpose really?  Surely a compliment is a compliment?

It would appear that he is terrified that liking anything stereotypically girly would turn him gay.  As if you could turn or make someone gay, he fails to accept the notion that people are who they are and will be who they will be.  If someone is gay, they'd be gay regardless of whether they played with dolls or trains.  Then there's the big, so what?  Being a serial killer or rapist would be a problem.  Abusing animals would be a problem.  Being a  fascist bigot would be a problem.  Being gay? Hardly a problem.  Oh no, my child has decided to be himself! Call the parenting police.  Gay or straight, blonde hair or brown....whatever.  He's THREE years old and enjoying exercising his natural curiosity and freedom of choice. Hopefully with this organic curiosity and choices our funny, cheeky, imaginative little cretins will simply grow up to be emotionally healthy adults.

If I got a pound for every time he asked when we're getting The Toddlers hair cut, I'd be rich. Thing Two could demand a short back and sides, insist on wearing a football kit all the time and be obsessed with cars and it would be cute and quirky, The Toddler having long hair and occasionally having fun with his sisters toys however is obviously an utter catastrophe and the end of the world as we know it.  Hair is just hair, toys are just toys as I previously ranted at length about (Does Pink Stink?)

We're not even keeping his hair long to make some grande social statement, we're not doing it to purposefully make people reassess their stereotyping, we do it because we like it, he likes it and it looks cute.

However, on the flip side, I have to ask myself would I be so laid back if it was Thing Two in question?  In the name of honesty I have to shamefacedly admit, on some level, I'd be a tad miffed should someone assume Thing Two was male.  Why is that? Would it really be such a sleight on her beauty?  Can't boys be beautiful too? Is it a greater faux pas to overlook femininity in gender identity than to overlook masculinity?  Is mistaking or removing gender stereotype as potentially dangerous as enforcing it?

All I know is that as The Toddler lies blissfully asleep next to me with his gorgeous long locks mermaided around his cherubic face, I will miss his hair when it finally gets chopped off (for the same reasons as Thing One) but he'll still be the same beautiful little boy....because it's only hair.

Men: they're not all bad.

Before I start this disjointed and spontaneous little rant in my sleep deprived state, I'm not attempting to start a debate on the ins and outs of inequality, feminism and such.  As much as I believe in what I say there is an element of tongue in cheek involved at times. This isn't a political nor social forum of discussion, I don't need educating in definitions and propaganda.

Equality is a term that we see often bandied about or more the notion of inequality.  Now the feminists amongst us will probably start hurling rocks at me, but on a basic level, are we meant to be equal   Are we made to equal each other or to compliment each other?

Is it 'fair' that woman get to experience pregnancy and birth  and men do not?  That the woman get a baby shower?  That she gets maternity leave as opposed to the new 2 week paternity leave? Is it fair that a wedding is considered 'The Brides Special Day?' and often the men just have to fit into her plans?  Is it fair that if a man ogles and wolf whistles at a woman he's a letch yet if a woman and her peers 'check out' a man, it's just a bit of fun?  Is it fair that male strippers are considered raunchy, risque and fun yet a female is merely cheap and slutty?  Upon proposing it's traditional for the man to buy a ring and there is an expectation that it should be expensive, really is that fair?.  Little girls can be Scouts yet boys can't be brownies. Domestic abuse against a woman is considered grave and hideous yet against a man when the woman is the perpetrator it's often unspoken of and ridiculed.  

It works both ways.

The male midwife or beautician who's laughed at by his mates and given a raised eyebrow from his patients.  The SAHD who obviously mustn't be able to find a real job like a real man and be the sole breadwinner to support his family. The man in the office/shop who's 'expected' to do the 'heavy/dirty' work.

Yes we know 'but woman get paid less in the same industries as male counter parts' and it's so hard and unfair being a woman competing against men.

Maybe that is exactly it though.  Maybe we shouldn't be competing.  There is a risk of saying 'we are equal' for it to then become 'and we're better' which is as far from equal as it can get. 

What is wrong with being a woman.  I'm all for woman being whatever they want to be in life, yet why is it that in striving through industry and politics it now becomes almost taboo to want to be a SAHM?  That to want to stay at home with your children or want a mere job instead of a career is somehow a slight on the female population.  That there is something wrong with wanting to look after the house and cook for your husband that it somehow makes you lacking in aspiration, motivation and dynamism.  Likewise what is so wrong with a man wanting to provide for his wife and children?  To want to hold a door open for a woman, to pull a chair out for her or give up his seat or even jacket for her?  Generally males are physiologically built to handle certain tasks easier then their female counterparts, so is it therefore wrong for him to lift and move heavy items and do more DIY? To want to protect a woman?  As happy as I am to 'go dutch' is it now a faux pas for a man wanting to 'take care of the bill'? or open the car door. What about the the page three girl who is more then happy with her chosen career, she enjoys it and gets paid well yet other woman are irate and outraged on her behalf at being so exploited.  Where is the woman's right to choose here? Through trying to not be dictated to by men are woman now dictating to each other on how we ought to be/feel/think? 

The majority of strife within my life has be in fact caused by woman.  In the work place? Opression and bullying from a female boss despite there being many more men in the job.  Problems with Medics?  They were all female.  It wasn't the men in these instances opressing me, bullying  me, belittling me.  It wasn't because I was a woman, it's because they were arses.

It's as if it's wrong to be feminine or masculine.  Are we working towards an androgynous race? Is it terribly wrong to be a man or a woman instead of a person?  

Don't get me wrong, I totally understand and sympathise with the plights of woman in wanting equality.  I do feel, regardless of gender, each person should have the same rights, opportunities and choices.  I do, I really do.  I know that we could take a different take on most examples and turn the tables in favour of men.

Yet sometimes we forget, sometimes men get the rough end of the deal too.  Sometimes in life it's as if they really can't do right for doing wrong and vice versa.  It's not always the blokes fault, maybe we should cut them some slack..... if they're not gentlemen they're chauvinistic pricks, if they are then they're also... chauvinistic pricks.  Yet we, as woman, reserve the right to be mortally offended either way.